School started back up and if you are a regular follower of my site here, you know that means I won’t be around as much. 😦 Bummer I know… I will try to get on here a couple times a week. I thought my one class was going to be a piece of cake, and the material is fairly easy, but the amount of time I have to invest in the class is more than I anticipated. But the good news is school is finite like everything else in the world.
Well, you know what they say about assume and all.
So, finiteis the word of the day.
Can we think of even one instiance of legitimate infinity? Everything is finite except for the universe I believe. Inclulding the accesibility of this site here. I just read it will be down for maintenance for a week! That kind of works in my favor because by then I will have a good handle on my classes and know exactly how often I can post here. Hopefully, I can get a couple entries pre-written.
Cruel, finite love
Your shallow grave sooths my soul
There were others, you know
By the way, you can find me on Facebook at Darlene Steelman McGarrity… I write stuff on there, too. But when you request me, be sure to tell me you’re from WordPress or I most likely won’t accept the invitation (lots of spammers on FB).
For as much as I would love to be a solitary soul, living in the woods among the critters, trees, and occasional wasp eating snake, I know that at this point in my life, it is not feasible. I am part of society (though, these days, the term society is subjective) and I kind of need you guys.
I have always been to myself and at times have gone out of my way to avoid society. I am an introvert and I store up on people energy about once or twice a month. I’ll go to a market, or a concert, or maybe even a park with a lot of people. I’ll fill up on all the energy until I am exhausted and go home to take a nap.
Then I am good for about a month. I am not a recluse… I am an introvert. That picture up there is my idea of heaven on earth. The woods, a log cabin and no one around for miles. I could do it.
As long as I had books, coffee, music, a camera, and an internet connection, I could do it. Because then I could be alone, without really being alone. Despite my aversion to small talk, I do need you guys.
We all need each other.
Happy Friday, y’all. I submitted my project for my one class… didn’t get as good a grade as I hoped, but I am confident I will get a ‘B’ in the class because of all my others grades. Philosophy class is wrapping up as well. I have A’s across the board in Phil 101, so the pressure is on to write two A papers before Monday morning.
So I am in a philosophy class and let me just say that my perception about everything is changing. It has come to be that ‘why?’ is a much bigger question that I had ever anticipated.
So far we have studied Pascal, Aquinas, and Aristotle… Three different philosophers with three different points of view. I mean, is it really different than anyone else? There are others, too, but if I get into the list we’ve covered over the last three weeks, this post will get longer than I want.
This week, we are studying psychological egoists and self-interest. Also, why do people conform? When is conforming okay and do people even realize how much it happens?
I remember when I was little and into my twenties, I was a conformer. I wanted to be like everyone else. I think this is normal (But what is normal?) in the grand scheme of kid life. However, when I got into my twenties, I realized I didn’t like conforming to society’s vision of normal and popular and trendy. I like dark things. I am fascinated by the minds of the depraved (not their actions).
So there I was on the carousel of conformity, going around and around as I appeased everyone with their ideas of how I should be. First, it was nothing because it was what I always did. Then I started to notice that people had a lot of ideas about what I should be doing with my life while they were living on their own terms.
I fell for it! Don’t say this… don’t do that… that’s too slutty… why don’t you talk more? Here, have another line, shot, toke, pill, puff, etc. Oh yeah, you have to do it this way because no one has ever done it the way you are trying to do it. I was getting so uncomfortable.
Bah. That carousel of conformity was such a drag; I wasted so much time trying to fit in and be like everyone else and then after that, I wasted so much time trying to forget who I was because I didn’t fit in with anyone else. It sucked and I am glad I see more and more people these days trying to be the best version of themselves that they can be. For real, you all inspire me. I love that more and more people are doing their own thing and trying not to conform.
Conformity is good when it spares others pain or makes life easier not because it is comfortable but because it is necessary: say like, not murdering people and not stopping at green lights in traffic. And carousels, well, they are good all the time! Unless it is the carousel of conformity. Most people don’t even know they are on that ride; the societal blinders of “this is the way you should be” are dark and heavy, my friends.
When is the last time you questioned your beliefs? Have a good one.
I haven’t been around… not sure who noticed. And no, it isn’t some silly game. I started school this week; two seven-week progressive courses which are essentially fifteen weeks smashed into seven.
I mean, I have a mid-term in two weeks. I am still writing as much as I can but I left the day job at 1 pm Wednesday to go get my textbooks and catch up on some studies.
I guess you could say I am as busy as a bumble bee.
In other news, my area, Bucks County, has some serious murder mystery stuff going on! Four young men went missing last week and there are connections to another young man who is the son of farm owners in the Solebury section of the county.
The ground was dug up with a backhoe where cadaver dogs sniffed out the scent of human remains buried over twelve feet beneath the surface. I cannot imagine the mentality of someone who would go through so much trouble to bury a body that far underground! I won’t go into detail, as you may have already heard the story. I feel sad for the families of these young men.
Finally, I am looking forward to this weekend. Getting caught up on my studies and focus on the end game which is an associate’s degree! I have the grit to pull it off for sure. I have been dragging my ass on finishing school since I started way back in 2001. I was gung ho for a couple years and managed to get 36 credits, but then I had that whole issue with the drugs and drinking and despite getting sober in 2006, still didn’t pursue my goal.
Well, things go the way they go for whatever reason and I am excited to finally be back in the game.
Do you have any goals (long or short-term) you are currently pursuing?
Have a great week! I will try to write something creative once I get caught up on my studies this weekend.
Sharing my story openly and honestly about living, surviving and thriving with Bipolar 1 Disorder and PTSD to increase awareness, educate, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you...