I was born and raised in the city and I hated almost every moment of my life there. My grandmother lived in the greater northeast part of Philadelphia, and while still the city, it was calmer than my neighborhood. Plus she lived down the street from a section of Pennypack Park where I spent most of my outdoor childhood when I was at her place. Being in the woods was nicer than being in the city.
The cacophony of traffic, people, heavy equipment, and sirens was enough to drive me insane. My neighborhood wasn’t too chaotic, but when I got older I had to go to schools outside Bridesburg and there were more people, trolleys, buses, and lots of noise. A few times I cut school with a friend and we took the el train down to the Gallery in Center City Philadelphia and that was insane!
All the noise and business frustrated me.
Almost every weekend I would go up my grandmother’s place and despite her still living in the city, she lived in a less congested part and it was like a breath of only semi-polluted air. Then we would take a ride out to New Hope, PA and that was mind-blowing.
It was so quiet! Where was the cacophonyof madness that was in the city? Where were the loud vehicles, screaming children and occasional, rambling lunatic at Bridge & Pratt?
How could I make these twisty, tree-lined roads a reality for myself?
The stillness, the glimpse of a deer on the side of the road, old cemeteries and farmhouses and of course, the little borough of New Hope with it’s quiet, bustling Main Street was enough to instill in me a life goal of becoming a lawyer, moving to New Hope and having a cat – but no kids.
Life didn’t go that way and now here I am, almost thirty years later, back in school as I try to make my dream of small town, quiet living a reality. My husband and I are researching small towns in Pennsylvania because as soon as I get my degree (I am thinking Behavioral Science now) we are effing out of here! We live in a suburban borough, but it is still too busy for me.
Every Sunday, my husband and I take a drive out to a new town in the country and I love every moment of our adventure. Yesterday we wound up in Lehighton, PA and found a cool fall festival loaded with awesome treats, great crafts, and free parking!
School started back up and if you are a regular follower of my site here, you know that means I won’t be around as much. 😦 Bummer I know… I will try to get on here a couple times a week. I thought my one class was going to be a piece of cake, and the material is fairly easy, but the amount of time I have to invest in the class is more than I anticipated. But the good news is school is finite like everything else in the world.
Well, you know what they say about assume and all.
So, finiteis the word of the day.
Can we think of even one instiance of legitimate infinity? Everything is finite except for the universe I believe. Inclulding the accesibility of this site here. I just read it will be down for maintenance for a week! That kind of works in my favor because by then I will have a good handle on my classes and know exactly how often I can post here. Hopefully, I can get a couple entries pre-written.
Cruel, finite love
Your shallow grave sooths my soul
There were others, you know
By the way, you can find me on Facebook at Darlene Steelman McGarrity… I write stuff on there, too. But when you request me, be sure to tell me you’re from WordPress or I most likely won’t accept the invitation (lots of spammers on FB).
For as much as I would love to be a solitary soul, living in the woods among the critters, trees, and occasional wasp eating snake, I know that at this point in my life, it is not feasible. I am part of society (though, these days, the term society is subjective) and I kind of need you guys.
I have always been to myself and at times have gone out of my way to avoid society. I am an introvert and I store up on people energy about once or twice a month. I’ll go to a market, or a concert, or maybe even a park with a lot of people. I’ll fill up on all the energy until I am exhausted and go home to take a nap.
Then I am good for about a month. I am not a recluse… I am an introvert. That picture up there is my idea of heaven on earth. The woods, a log cabin and no one around for miles. I could do it.
As long as I had books, coffee, music, a camera, and an internet connection, I could do it. Because then I could be alone, without really being alone. Despite my aversion to small talk, I do need you guys.
We all need each other.
Happy Friday, y’all. I submitted my project for my one class… didn’t get as good a grade as I hoped, but I am confident I will get a ‘B’ in the class because of all my others grades. Philosophy class is wrapping up as well. I have A’s across the board in Phil 101, so the pressure is on to write two A papers before Monday morning.
So I am in a philosophy class and let me just say that my perception about everything is changing. It has come to be that ‘why?’ is a much bigger question that I had ever anticipated.
So far we have studied Pascal, Aquinas, and Aristotle… Three different philosophers with three different points of view. I mean, is it really different than anyone else? There are others, too, but if I get into the list we’ve covered over the last three weeks, this post will get longer than I want.
This week, we are studying psychological egoists and self-interest. Also, why do people conform? When is conforming okay and do people even realize how much it happens?
I remember when I was little and into my twenties, I was a conformer. I wanted to be like everyone else. I think this is normal (But what is normal?) in the grand scheme of kid life. However, when I got into my twenties, I realized I didn’t like conforming to society’s vision of normal and popular and trendy. I like dark things. I am fascinated by the minds of the depraved (not their actions).
So there I was on the carousel of conformity, going around and around as I appeased everyone with their ideas of how I should be. First, it was nothing because it was what I always did. Then I started to notice that people had a lot of ideas about what I should be doing with my life while they were living on their own terms.
I fell for it! Don’t say this… don’t do that… that’s too slutty… why don’t you talk more? Here, have another line, shot, toke, pill, puff, etc. Oh yeah, you have to do it this way because no one has ever done it the way you are trying to do it. I was getting so uncomfortable.
Bah. That carousel of conformity was such a drag; I wasted so much time trying to fit in and be like everyone else and then after that, I wasted so much time trying to forget who I was because I didn’t fit in with anyone else. It sucked and I am glad I see more and more people these days trying to be the best version of themselves that they can be. For real, you all inspire me. I love that more and more people are doing their own thing and trying not to conform.
Conformity is good when it spares others pain or makes life easier not because it is comfortable but because it is necessary: say like, not murdering people and not stopping at green lights in traffic. And carousels, well, they are good all the time! Unless it is the carousel of conformity. Most people don’t even know they are on that ride; the societal blinders of “this is the way you should be” are dark and heavy, my friends.
When is the last time you questioned your beliefs? Have a good one.
Sharing my story openly and honestly about living, surviving and thriving with Bipolar 1 Disorder and PTSD to increase awareness, educate, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you...