Bewildered

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Bewildered. Floored. Muddled. Thunderstruck. You get the gist.

That is me since I released my first publication in December 2017. Now, to be fair, only .000000001% of the world population even knows I exist and when you look at those numbers, the fact that ten people bought ebooks, 37 people downloaded free copies and 3 people bought physical copies (I bought the other ten) is pretty effing good. It’s even better since I absolutely suck at self-promotion. I always feel like I am annoying people, being a nag… you know, like a gnat only bigger.

Bzzzzz………………………..

I just need to get this idea out of my head that I annoy people when I tweet, FB, Pinterest, Google+, or LinkedIn a link to my book. I think I also need to realize I am comparing myself and my stats to other people and I need to stop doing that. Like, now.

And I don’t mean poets like Maya Angelou or Emily Dickenson (is there any comparison, really?); more like poets I see on Amazon in the same category as me. But I have to put it in perspective to keep my sanity. Who the hell knows how long their books have been for sale? I mean, who the hell do I think I am? My book has literally been available for nine weeks.

There are so many doors of opportunity for me and patience, hard work, and determination will help me get through whichever I choose. That I know. I cannot give up.

When I first started this blog/site in 2007, it was actually called The Daily Woman and it was my daily posts about how to do great things. I did that about a year despite my lack of commitment along with my severe lack of networking and marketing skills. No one was interested in anything I had to say.

So, I made it a blog about addiction and kept the name. Despite the fact that there are hundreds if not thousands of blogs and websites about addiction, my story was unique. So I shared my journey through addiction and sobriety with everyone. I stuck with that a while and met some really great people that I maintain friendships with today. But like I said, everyone was talking about it and in such a dynamic way, my site was basically just a “Living Sober” testament that it could be done.

Then, I just stopped. For a good two years. I went outside, stretched in the sunlight, and broke up with my boyfriend of six years after I realized how toxic he was.

But I still had to write. I couldn’t not write.

So I made DAMSWriter after a great presentation I watched by Jeff Goins. And here I am. Still sober, still goofy, and still writing.

Maybe my bewilderment is based on fear… I mean, I let most of myself out in my writing, but I have yet to let all of me out in my writing. What would that look like? Should I really write the same way I journal? Hmmm…

I am working on the second book of poetry – not giving up! Also, still working on Consequences, which I hope everyone will love as much as I do. ❤

Thank you to every single person who bought or downloaded a free copy of Poetry Through Darkness. It truly means so much to me! You all rock.

via Daily Prompt: Bewildered

Image: Pixabay

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/bewildered/

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Permit Me

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The devil paid me a visit

Whispered I was beautiful 

Told me I was the one

Then he opened my heart

Swallowed my soul

He spit out my bones

That seed of self-doubt

Hangs on like a long, final note

That rancid shadow of misery

Permit me to tell you

That I’ve had enough

Permit me to introduce myself

I am raging glory

And I own this moment

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/permit/

 

Image: Pixabay

Puzzled Petulance

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Puzzled are the few who walk the lonely path

Damaged senses overtake

Dubious; the many who hold the key to vengeance

Silence feels like a cloaked friend

Shaking down the dark is how I live my nights

And feeling up the stars keeps it all serene

There is no sound like the cries of the forsaken

Warriors are born in unkempt places

My scars are my armor

As I walk this puzzled journey

Petulant, maybe

Yearning, forever

Image: Pixabay

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/puzzled/

Profuse

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Profuse means a lot. A whole heck of a lot. I will tell you, I am profusely annoyed these past two days despite maintaining a positive outlook on life and my hours between wake and sleep modes. My husband and I decided (not a New Year Resolution) to get in shape. I just turned 45 on January 30th and I not only feel old… but look old and feel totally fat and gross. So we found this thing called the Max Trainer and researched it profusely. It turns out that it is a good little machine and will help us. I also bought a scale and seeing that number (for each of us) shocked us into reality. We are old. We are out of shape. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Where I am profusely annoyed big time, is with this company that is supposed to come out and put this thing together. “Oh, we’ll call you in 24 to 48 hours after you get the machine.” Okay, they called me three days later and told me when they would be out. I said, “no way, that doesn’t work.” They asked me for three new times and told me again, they’ll call me back in 24 – 48 hours with a new time.

What the………………….? Am I trying to get an exercise machine put together or see the Ark of the Covenant? Come on people, get your **** together.

So now, we wait. We do have the option to assemble it ourselves and if this doesn’t go the way we would like (meaning, having the thing assembled by this weekend and working out!) we’re going to do it ourselves. There is a video and a lot of people said it takes about an hour and is fairly easy to assemble.

We’re trying to avoid self-assembly… but for them to take over two weeks to come out and assemble it is ridiculous to me.

So, we’ll see! Let’s keep our fingers crossed. 🙂

In the meantime, we are also changing our diet. Can I tell you we decided to eat all the junk food in the house up until after Sunday (GO EAGLES!) and then, we are on a quest for healthy mind, body, and soul!

Does anyone know any groups for keeping weight and goal accountability? I am in one on Facebook, but it is hard to keep up with it.

Rock your day today you awesome person you!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/profuse/

Image: Pixabay

Silhouette of Your Soul

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I laughed at the moon yesterday as it hid behind a cloud

And I stood on our mountain; broken by the wind

The silhouette of your soul

Slipped into my dreams

As I pondered painfully

What’s next

It was so much like you

Yet, it was nothing at all

The crow of my dimension

Led to my descent

Down that long lonely path

I searched for redemption

But all I found

Was a silhouette of your soul

~~~

Silhouette

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/silhouette/

In A Blink

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Live your life the best you can and always go after your dreams… follow your heart and harm none. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Waste no thoughts on hate, getting even or having the last word. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Focus on love, life, and the pursuit of bliss.

Happy Friday my friends.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/blink/

 

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An Excerpt

 

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Shocking!

So, back in 2011, I wrote an awful book for NaNoWriMo. The storyline is intriguing – it is about a hooker who meets her long-lost father in an unconventional way. But my point of view was all over the place and after an editor ripped it to shreds (which they should have done literally) I put it on the back burner as a lesson in writing reality.  I then wrote another book adhering to points of view. That one got really violent and though the idea was different in how everything happened, it was about zombies. *yawn* I feel at this point the zombie thing has been done so many ways, I do not have the creative capacity to put a unique spin on it without taking it to an absurdly dark level.

 

So, here is my excerpt from the hooker book:

“So, I was with my best client last night.  And he told me some really messed up shit.  I am thinking I should charge extra for confessions or something.  I got so much garbage in my head from tricks and their weeping woes,” Celeste said as she took a sip of coffee and pulled apart the croissant.
Cali nodded.  “Same.  I feel like, dude, just let me get your disgusting ass off so I can get the hell out of here.”
Celeste laughed. “Cali, I have this client, old enough to be my Pops.  And he told me about his daughter he never met and blah blah blah.  But what got me was when he described the girl’s mother.  I swear, he described my mother.”
 “C’mon. That’s nuts! “Cali said with a tinge of shock in her voice. “Your father is probably some two-bit junkie down at 18th and Walnut panhandling with some bullshit, lying-ass sign about being a Vet.”
“Yeah, I always thought that.  Or picture him in prison or dead even.  But my mom is total trash.  We both know that.  How was she able to take care of me all those years?”
Cali shifted in her seat.  “I don’t know, honey.  I am sure there is an explanation.  There always is.”  She looked at her watch. “Honey, I have to go.”  Cali made a sad face.
Celeste’s heart sank.  She always hated when Cali left.
“You can’t stay?” Celeste asked.
“No, sugar.  But we’ll get together soon.  Promise.”

I like to go over my old manuscripts sometime just to see how far I have come with my writing. The book I wrote after this one is better and the one I am finalizing now is better than anything I have written. There are some crazy and funny parts in this book here, but honestly, it is so bad that I couldn’t in good conscience send it to another editor without first breaking it all the way down to the first draft again.

It might shock some people that good writers could write absurdly crappy crap, but that is how we get better. We right utter garbage and rewrite it and then rewrite some more. Any best-selling author today has written their fair share of tree-wasting prose.

So, don’t fret about your first draft. It is the first draft for a reason…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shock/

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