Consistency is great depending all on how you look at it. I have a real problem with directional consistency and I am trying to change that. One ‘keep my ass in the seat and write’ moment at a time.
It has been brought to my attention that I am kind of all over the place with ‘what I want to do with my life.’ Is it possible I am going through a pre-mid-life crisis? Maybe. I am being consistent about my indecision, however. I really just do not know and there is no sense in asking people. All I get from people are standard ‘this is what I would do because my life is rooted in fear’ answers.
Get a real job.
Continue with administrative work.
Find a 9-5er.
Yes, all consistent ways of living… consistently BORING because I have done them all and I hate it. Hate it. Why are we telling people to live in ways in which they wish not to live? Because that is how we (if you are over 35) were raised to live and quite frankly, I disagree with it.
If you want to have an office job where you’re treated right and doing what you love, that is awesome. I am not job shaming anyone. It was something I aspired to a long time ago and it fit me well. But that part of me is gone now and I aspire to do other things.
How consistent are you when it comes to staying on task?
Good afternoon. My name is Darlene and I am an alcoholic, addict, bonafide do anything that feels good until it almost kills me human being. I haven’t had a drink or a drug since 2006. Doing other feel-good stuff however (eating, over spending, etc) I have partaken in and it is time to quit that shit.
One of the things I had to do to get where I am today is “clear the wreckage of my past.” Now, this is a term used in treatment programs and it began in AA. And while it is mostly used in twelve step programs, I have to say that it can do wonders for anyone who feels stuck in the molasses of life.
I have cleared the wreckage of my past a few times… Taking a personal inventory is not a one time thing. It’s kind of like a tub drain. It gets clogged from the daily debris and muck of life and then it starts to slow down and before you know it, there is a clog. Clear the clog and the drain is flowing smooth and free.
Ain’t no arguing with the truth when you spin it in an honest way.
That’s how it is in life. All that crap we hold onto clogs our judgment, thinking, and decisions until we find ourselves in places we don’t belong with people we shouldn’t be with doing things we swore we’d never do.
In 2005, I tried to get clean and sober but refused to take responsibility for anything in my life. Finger pointing still kills me every time. These days I don’t drink over it, but I do feel shitty when I don’t look at my life honestly and decide to blame other people for my shit.
Even this morning, this lady in traffic pissed me off but then after my self-checking honesty I said, “Darlene, you’d be fine if you had left the house on time.” Ain’t no arguing with the truth when you spin it in an honest way. Did I want to be the one to blame? Hell no. But I was and after I admitted my wrongs, I felt way different after I got over my bruised ego.
When I take a look at the shit I have been through and any shit I am currently experiencing, I can absolutely see a correlation with past events if I am honest about it. There are a few gurus I have listened to and read that have helped me with his process.
Some people call me a pretentious, self-righteous bitch. And I am totally cool with that. We can only reach the people the way they are listening. I was that person a long time ago and once in a while I still am that person. A lot of times I want to write something and then I have to rethink it. “Am I speaking from my heart or my ego?” I do speak from my ego sometimes… we all do.
So, every day I try to figure out what is going on with me and live my best life. There is no substitute for rigorous self-honesty. There just isn’t. It is the one thing that will transport you to every next level of your life. So far it has done wonders for me. I am not saying that I am like Deepak Chopra or The Dali Lama and forgive everyone immediately or that I am all peace, sunshine and flowers all the time… hell no.
Hello. How is everyone? I am working on the second book of poetry… despite the slow sales of Poetry Through Darkness I am confident they will pick up. Also, I read in a few places it is good to have more than one book published. So I am working on that while I put together the money to have my novel professionally edited (finally) by someone highly recommended and then get that out to everyone. Can I say how much I truly love that book and hope everyone else will, too?
A viable solution to any situation is forethought and hard work. That is my mantra for the year and to hell be damned I am doing it! So far I am on DAY FOUR and have kept true to my goal list.
Today it is super cold and snowy here on the East Coast. I made it into the day job (though I’d rather be home with my husband and my cat) and will commence a day of shredding documents.
In other news, regarding Poetry Through Darkness I have gotten some nice messages regarding the book. So much so that I am working on a second book that I hope everyone will love as well.
Thank you so much for your support, everyone! And you know I can’t just put up a post without a little haiku or poem so here goes: