A – Z Challenge ~ O is for Over Thinking

Over thinking.  UGH.  I do it a lot.  It destroys my sense of confidence after I made a choice. Did I choose correctly? Was there another option? Maybe I should have zigged instead of zagged.

Over thinking situations, blog posts, hell, even food shopping will destroy you without your knowledge until one day you are sitting in your living room surrounded by cases of bottled water and checker boards because you just can’t figure it out.

Tonight I went out on my new bicycle to trail ride at Neshaminy State Park in Bucks County, PA.  They have great trails packed with dirt, rock, stones, tree roots, mud and lots of hills. I was riding along at about five miles an hour and I saw the incline ahead.  I nodded.  No biggie.  As I got closer to the incline I freaked out because it was, like a serious freaking incline with a giant tree root smack in the middle. I began to over think.  I thought, no way.  I can’t do it.  What if I fall? I’ll feel like an ass. What if I break my ankle?  I’ll feel like an even bigger ass.

So wussified me hopped off the bike and walked it up the incline and down the decline and hopped back on.

I so totally felt so totally small.

As I rode on (trying to catch up to my boyfriend) I told myself the next go around I am freaking taking that hill!  No thinking.  Just do it. We looped around I knew that hill was coming. And I took it.  I rode through the fear and didn’t think.  I just did it. After I took that hill, my confidence shot up a few  notches and I started taking other paths that were a little more terrainish.

Are you an over thinker?  Does over thinking help or hinder you?

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A – Z Challenge ~ N is for Newcomer

Welcome - Keep Coming Back

Newcomer – In the Twelve Step Programs of the world it stands for that person who walks through the door of a support meeting for the first time (or in the first months of their sobriety) and really has no idea what to expect. I was a newcomer once.  We’ve all been a newcomer in one way or another in one situation or another.

The newcomer is so important.  Of course, they don’t realize this.  Their naivety and fear helps us that have been in the program a while just as much as the program will help them.

Some slogans to remember as newcomer:

  • It works if you work it.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Keep coming back.
  • One day at a time.
  • Easy does it.

I will celebrate six years of sobriety on May 26th of this year.  I got to tell you… I was scared that first year.  I was scared of a sober life.  How would I have fun?  What would I drink when I went out to restaurant?

And the biggest question of all:  How would I deal with life?

Fortunately, I met good, sober people and realized (for me) that my newcomer status was a good thing and that even though I was getting help, I was helping others.

I am no longer a newcomer, but the newcomer now helps me just by letting me help them.

Question of the day: Can you recall an experience as a newcomer in any aspect of your life?  How did you react?

ROW80 Update – The Rowing is the Hardest Part

Image: http://www.kkbn.com

Yep.  This picture pretty much depicts my world as it stands right now.  Everything is driving me nuts and I am feeling burnt out.  I was journaling on Saturday and kind of came to a realization that I may be depressed. Now, not like crying in a corner surrounded by Twinkie wrappers depressed, but more of an I don’t feel like doing sh*t and I would rather just fade into the dust depressed.  Not sure which one is worse.

Hopefully, I have just had enough of working Saturday’s, Form 1040’s, 1120S’s, extensions, estimates, BPT’s **AIIIIEEEEEE!!!!**

Hopefully, this crap will drift into the sunset on a homemade twig raft, glued together with my burnt out brain matter,  and I’ll wake up next Saturday feeling refreshed because I don’t have to drag my ass into the office.

I am 99.9% positive that this is the case and that after April 17th, I will exhale and chin up a bit.

I won’t list the goals I have achieved, because the only one I am keeping up with is the 750words Challenge and the A – Z Challenge.

Everything else? Blah.

So my goals for the coming week:

1. 75owords.com challenge – keep up the good work.

2.  A – Z Challenge – keep up the good work.

3. Starting Wednesday – walk twenty-five minutes each afternoon on my lunch.

4. Edit my freaking manuscript!

5. Read/comment blogs (I was doing like 15 – 20 a day, but I got burnt out!) up to ten a day.

That’s all for me, ju ju bees.  What say you?  How is your progress coming along?

Happy ROW80ing!  😀

A – Z Challenge ~ M is for Mixed Emotions

Image: jackiesangel.com

M was going to be for Music because I love it so much, but I am keeping with a theme (although that was not the plan originally) and if I get on the topic of music, I will surpass my limit of words I bestowed upon myself.
Mixed Emotions.
Mixed emotions are pretty much self-explanatory.  It is like an emotional oxy moron to put it in simplistic terms.
I had mixed emotions when I decided it was time for my daughter to come back home.
On one hand, I was excited that she was coming home after being estranged for five years.
On the other hand, I was nervous and fearful because I had a lot of guilt and I felt that might impede my progress in good parenting.
Mixed emotions can be stressful, especially when making a decision.  We hem and we haw.  What should we do?
In my WIP, my Protag has mixed emotions about how to deal with information she comes to learn about her client.  Of course, I am helping her sort that out in an unconventional manner.

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Discussion: When was the last time you had mixed emotions about something?  Which emotion did you wind up siding with?

Friday Flash Fiction – Between

“So wait, I don’t understand.  I can’t have any of them?”

“Oh, you can have a few, but not all the ones you think are bad.”

“Well, what about that one?” Evil said as he pointed to a small boy teasing a cat.

“Well, it’s like this.  I can’t believe I have to continually explain this to you.  They have free will.  I can’t make them do anything. All I do is help them in ways they often do not understand.”

“So how are you helping that boy?  Or better yet, the cat?” Evil rolled his eyes.

“That boy has a choice. Again, free will.  I can do this,” Good said and made the breeze blow a giant branch from the tree.  The branch startled the boy and the cat took off running.

“Nice,” Evil said. “It would have been better if the branch hit the boy in the head, but hey, to each his own.” Evil shrugged his shoulders and looked to the right of the Earth.  “So wait,  I don’t have anything to do with any of all these self-absorbed jerks roaming the planet?”

“Nope,” Good said and kicked back on a bright, puffy cloud. “It’s all their own doing.  They’ll curse me and blame you.  It happens all the time.”

There was a long silence and Evil said, “you wanna go mess with those people who won the lottery last week?”

Good shook his head and laughed, “Ok, come on.  Let’s go pretend it’s all our doing again.”

A – Z Challenge ~ L is for Lucid

Image: luciddreamingtechniquess.net

Lucid: characterized by clear perception or understanding; rational or sane: a lucid moment in his madness.
Silent Lucidity is a great ballad by Queensryche (a very great band out of Seattle, WA – long before the grunge era).
Have you ever had a lucid dream?  A lucid dream is one of those dreams where you are dreaming but you know you are dreaming and therefore have the ability to change the outcome of the dream.
I have lucid dreams a lot. I am not sure why this is. I remember two.  In one I was shot.  In the other one I was on a train on my way to 54th and Woodland in Philadelphia and I was on my way to meet someone.
In the dream I was shot in, I decided I didn’t like the outcome of the dream and I rewound it to begin again.
I actually plan on doing some research on Lucid Dreaming  when Crazy April is over.
Lucid: Crystal clear.

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Reflection Questions: Are your goals crystal clear?  Are you lucid when you are evaluating your life and mapping your road to success?

A – Z Challenge ~ K is for Kicked Back

Image: salettasculpture.com

Kicked Back. To rest, relax do nothing.  When is the last time you really kicked back?  Like really chilled out and relaxed?  Believe it or not, I am most kicked back when I am driving (and have nowhere to be) and when I am walking in the park.
Sitting on the couch watching television (which happens about twice a week for an hour each time) is not really my idea of kicking back because I am watching something that invokes a lot of excited emotion.
Excited and kicked back are not in the same zip code.
Do you remember the last time you kicked back?  Maybe you went to the beach and kicked back on a beach chair with a great summer read.  Or, maybe you decided to veg all day on the couch watching your favorite romantic comedies.
Whatever the case, kicking back once in a while is an awesome way to recuperate, rebuild energy and find ways to get happy again.

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What are some ways you kick back and relax?