Apparently, I have written over 500 posts here on DAMSWriter. Wowee! This blog started out as The Daily Woman shortly after I got sober in 2006 and then become a few other things before I watched a video of Jeff Goins regarding branding.
So, I took a page out of his book and named my blog DAMSWriter. So, here I am over 500 posts later and still not where I want to be, but making deliberate steps to be where I want to be by pretending I am already there.
When I hear the word pedigree, I don’t think of family, or genealogy, or inherited traits. I think of dog food. Whether it is for pedigree dogs or not is irrelevant, but being called Pedigree implies that it is the best dog in town.
I want my blog to be the best blog in town. I want my books to be the best books in town. I want to have to wear sunglasses on an overcast day because if I don’t, people will recognize me. And hey, that is cool and all, but not when I am trying to go to Walmart to buy some soap (hey, famous people need simple things, too).
When I think of pedigree, I think of things that are so pure and pristine that even the biggest microscope could not pinpoint a single flaw in any of it. Bah, now that’s just insane.
Truthfully, I am having a hard time coming up with anything substantial to write these past weeks (if you regularly follow this blog, you may have had an inkling of this based on content) and I am pretending that it isn’t freaking me out. My mind is always turning and sadly, most of it is nothing useful. LOL, I am working on that, too.
Change the way you think and you change the way you feel.
I am giving everything to my higher power and going about my days. ❤ I have faith that everything is going exactly the way it is supposed to go. Because, if it were going any other way, it wouldn’t be my life.
What do you think of when you hear the word pedigree? Do you think of family? Royalty? Pristine things? Dog food?
Let me just start by saying:
I am not crazy.
Happy Monday and all that… I have been reading and watching a lot of books, articles, and videos about the Law of Attraction because I feel like something is holding me back. Well, it turns out, I’m right. There is something holding me back:
Now, I am taking steps to shift my thinking: slight, deliberate steps and already see things changing. A girl gave me a book about it over ten years ago and I had chucked it on my I’ll never read this pile.
Now, I am reading it like it is the map to the Ark of the Covenant… and it kind of feels that way. I am excited about life every day.
I’ve tried talking to a few people about this, and most look at me as if a second head is literally sprouting from my ear. Maybe there is?
All those annoying quotes about life being what you make it, I think therefore I am, I am what I hang around, etc., well, it turns out it is all true. And I am thrilled to know more and more people each day that are hopping on this train. I can’t imagine what the world would be like if everyone followed their bliss.
Shift your perception.
It would be heaven on earth.
Just follow your bliss.
Yesterday was the first day that I let go
Today is the first that no one will know
How did I get from there to here
How did it all just disappear
A rapid release, like a blur in the dark
All around me cold and stark
Where is my crystal mountain?
Where is all that they said I done?
Never was never forever for me
That’s just something I wish you could see
There’s always that tinge of self-respect
Drowned out black by self-regret
Today I’ll remember this stark, cold rhyme
As I walk that final cold, red line
**I found this post while cleaning out my document folder. I wrote it four years ago and assume I did so because I had recently lost someone and I questioned my own mortality. **
Why People That Commit Suicide Don’t Talk About It Beforehand
I am terrified to share this, because of the stigma associated with people that attempt or commit suicide, hell, people who even think about suicide. However, I am going to because I had a very dark moment last night that I believe only God helped me out of. Only God because I was alone in my basement. People don’t talk about this shit because they are embarrassed. They don’t talk about it because they are afraid they will be laughed at, made fun of or worse yet, called a psycho and told to “get help.”
We all know someone who committed suicide. Tragically sad, it’s true. We sit and we think, “Why didn’t we know how they felt?” “Why didn’t they reach out?” “How could they do this?”
I’ll tell you why. Because during the grey moments before the darkness consumes; before the shadows engulf the eternally depressed, We Did Reach Out.
We complained a lot. We were sad a lot. Or maybe even we were a little too happy. We tried to talk about how we felt, but no one wanted to hear about it. They were either too busy or they judged.
“Stop being stupid.” “Don’t be an asshole – grow up.” “You have so much to live for. Just be happy.”
Or there is the whole: “Everyone feels like that.” “Oh, you’ll be fine.” “Suck it up, buttercup.”
There is a subtle, consuming darkness before the thought that “I seriously cannot think of one goddamn reason to be on this Earth” hits a person.
There is that complete darkness – literal and virtual – that we sit in and we actually begin steps to take our own life. We yell, we cry and sob – We beg God to help us. We do this alone, maybe in the basement while our loved ones sleep upstairs, clueless.
Some of us get a fleeting moment, a millisecond in time of rational thinking – some of us do not get that sliver of hope. Some of us write notes because there is no other way to communicate, some of us do not because we have no idea what to say. And quite frankly, they didn’t want to hear it in the first place, so what is the point of a note, really?
I mean… fucking really.
So, maybe we go to the ‘shrink’ and we talk about our shit for a while and the only solution they come up with is, “You are (fill in the blank). Here, start this medication and come back in a month. We’ll see how you’re feeling then. And oh yeah, don’t forget the $50. co-pay.”
Or we go to the shrink and they nod the whole time we talk and they hand us a piece of paper with bullet points on it.
Or we go to the shrink and it’s so goddamn expensive it comes down to “Electric Bill or Mental Health?”
We have really exhausted every option and all we want is to be heard. We need someone to just shut the fuck up and listen.
So maybe the next time someone you know (whether you are very close or not so close) seems to be acting different or is sad (maybe for the 13th time in 3 weeks) or really happy (too happy?), ask what’s on their mind and really mean it. Sit and listen; don’t judge.
You might just save that person’s life.
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