Study Study

Well, sometimes I don’t know why I do the things I do. They are excellent in theory, but when applied to a commoners life, they are downright nonsensical. If you’ve been following along, you might know that I went back to school for my Associate’s in the Arts and at this moment have exactly thirteen credits to go to get my degree. After this semester, I will have six credits left to fulfill.

digitization-of-library-3068971_960_720

I know! It’s so exciting. 😀

I have always been able to study hard, get good grades and mostly do well in school. My fretting is due to this semester: I have two full-length classes (fifteen weeks each), plus I am working Saturday’s at the office and not to mention (but mentioning) that I am in the final edits of my novel while writing the second book of poetry. So, extra school work, extra work hours, extra writing, and financially… my other professors provided books and such via PDF to lighten the financial load. This semester, I had to buy the books and pay out of pocket (not enough financial aid). Can we form a group to fight the robbery of overpriced textbooks?

I know I will be okay, but not knowing what to expect from the professors is I think what is getting me. I am taking Anthropology 101 and Biology. Anthropology I am excited about… Biology, not so much but am keeping a positive attitude.

Hopefully, I will have time to study. I might have to ease up on the writing for the next few months, but I will squeeze it in when I can! Success is all about hard work and sacrifice, right?

In Poetry Through Darkness news, someone left another really nice review of the book and I am ever grateful for that. It means so much to me when people take time out of their busy lives to make some moments for me. So, from the bottom of my heart to anyone who bought a book and/or left a review… thank you so very much. ❤

And yes! I am working on the second book of poetry. I am about thirty poems in so far and I hit a snag of blankness but picked back up with some fresh thoughts yesterday.

Happy Monday! The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay true to you!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/study/

Image: www.pixabay.com

Advertisements

Carve A Dream

forest-2964073_960_720

Dreams are for losers. That was the message I got when I was a kid. Don’t bother, you’ll never pull it off, you’re a girl, no one would hire you, do something safe. Blah, blah, blah.

Well, let me tell you something. I decimated my dream of being an auto mechanic about twelve years ago, but my dream of being a famous writer is still on the stove and I plan on cooking it up to perfection. I am already published, so I got that foot in the game. But the dream I am carving is a delicacy that I cannot wait to savor and devour.

Every day I envision myself in my log cabin home that sits on fifteen acres of mountainous land somewhere in Pennsylvania. There is a fireplace in the master bedroom, the five guest rooms, and three family rooms. My kitchen is worthy of the most top rated chef and my back deck could fit a party of twenty comfortably. All the decor is rustic, walls are painted earth tones, and the only chrome is outside in my four car garage on my souped up 1970 Monte Carlo. The windows in the cabin are spacious with wide sills so Spirit the Cat has ample room to perch and bird watch. My studio is one part writing and one part art. There is also a library, a home gym, an art room for my husband, and a game room.

If you can dream it, you can do it. And when you do it, put your heart into it. Never let anyone tell you your dreams are foolish or stupid or unreachable. I mean, think of all the things we wouldn’t have if people didn’t dream them up and then make them a reality. Electricity, running water, automobiles, computers, The Clapper, sneaker skates, instant coffee, Flex Seal! The list is endless.

My book is still for sale on Amazon… please leave a review if you have purchased one or grabbed a free one! I really appreciate all of you! ❤ I am still in the final stages of Consequences and am working on the second book of poetry.

What’s your wildest dream?

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/carve/

Image: Pixabay

Life and Life Stuff

A copy photograph of the portrait painted by O...
A copy photograph of the portrait painted by Oscar Halling in the late 1860’s of Edgar Allan Poe.

God willing, I will have a 7th Anniversary of being clean and sober on May 26th of this year.  I haven’t been blogging consistently, and I am truly sorry for that.  I have so much stuff going on in terms of kids, other writing obligations and “life stuff.”

But for now, I am going to focus on the writing aspect of my life.  Pull up a chair and a cup of your favorite beverage if you wish.

I started writing around the age of nine or ten I guess.  I remember writing my first book report about “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allen Poe in grade school.  I fell in love with the story, and Poe, and looked forward to writing more book reports (yes I was a geeky child)!  I started keeping a diary and wrote silly little stories about my friends inside.

As I grew and matured (using that term loosely), I stopped writing unless it was a letter in school to one of my BFF’s or a boy.

In my early twenties, I actually wrote my first novel.  It is unpublished to this date and only a lone printed, bound copy remains.  Most of that novel was written while drunk because I inherently felt I could only write when I was chemically altered.

Fast forward about four years and I decided to go to college at night as an English Major and wound up switching my major to Behavioral Health with a focus on addiction for the rest of my term.  Ironic.

So I wrote off and on, off and on for a number of years.  I kept many journals and diaries both hard copy and internet bound.  I wrote a lot of poetry.  Dark disturbing words (again always drunk and angry) I wrote steady over the course of a week.  I wrote about 130 poems in those seven days.  That is floating around somewhere as well.

I even had one published in a local newspaper!

Here it is:

Reality and fantasy, truth and lies.

When I’m awake I forget real, and fantasize.

When I speak my mind, I speak it well.

When I talk back, I listen even better.

When I hear other voices, I try to ignore.

Don’t tell me what to say, don’t tell me what to do.

I’m done listening to you; all you speak is tainted.

I’m stained with lies, marked by deceit.

My eyes are wicked, my grin is cold.

You look at me, but you can’t look long.

You’re so weak.  Ha!

Try to tell me you’re strong.

I laugh so loud inside, you can’t hear me.

But I can.

Reality and fantasy, I like to fantasize.

Reality is too much for me, I like my peace.

I like to be alone whenever I can.

So no one hears my whispers as I answer myself…

Again and again.

That is my first official published piece of anything.  I remember how excited I felt.  My mom got a bunch of the papers and framed a copy of the poem for me.  That copy sits on my dresser today and I look at it sometimes because I get caught up in life stuff and my dreams slip away.

So that’s it for me… for now.  Hope everyone is doing well.. maybe you’d like to tell me what is going on in your neck of the woods?  I’d sure like to hear about you!

Coping In Sobriety

Clean and Sober
Clean and Sober (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I first got sober, it was pretty easy for me.  I’m not bragging, but I had hit such a low point that I figured getting clean and sober might well be worth a shot.  The one thing I hadn’t discovered in my new sobriety was ways to cope with life on life’s terms. This was definitely something I needed to figure out quickly.

See, life just kept on happening to me. It didn’t matter that I was clean and sober, or that I was trying to do the next right thing.  It didn’t matter that I was making a valiant effort to see my kids, to stay away from people, places and things or that I was working a rigorous twelve-step program.

My car still broke down, I still got yelled at by my boss and I still had (very) bad hair days.

Of course I would go into the “poor me” cloud.  “Hey, I’m doing the right thing… what’s this crap all about?” I had this grandiose sense of self (huge ego!) that since I finally started to do the right thing (after years of doing very wrong things) that I should get a reprieve of sorts and nothing bad should ever happen to me ever again.  Ever.

Reality check: shit happens. I had to deal with life on life’s terms and I had to find out pronto how to do that.

The only way I could do that was to go to meetings, be around other sober people who had serious clean time and work a good program.

I learned that drinking or drugging was not a coping tool.  It just added fuel to the already out of control fire that raged inside me.

I learned that I should start writing again and that I am a pretty good photographer.  I learned my triggers and how to avoid them most of the time.  Sometimes triggers still invaded my head space (usually when my mind was idle) and I learned that the best thing to do in that situation was to call another alcoholic in recovery. Maybe they could help me.  Turns out, I was helping them just as much as they were helping me.

I couldn’t wrap my head around that one.  How the hell could I possibly help someone with years of sobriety when I was so new? Now that I have over six years clean and sober, I know how.  Because when I talk to someone new in sobriety it puts things in perspective and reminds me of the way I used to think. I no longer think that way.

Some of the ways I learned to cope:

  • Go to a meeting. Talk to another alcoholic in recovery.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Write.
  • Go for a drive.
  • Listen to music.
  • Go to a park.

I can always come back to the problem later.  Obsessing and keeping the problem at the forefront of my mind will not help me.  And trust me, I am huge on obsession.  After all, I am an alcoholic and everything is about me.

If I had a dollar for every time I asked someone “What’s wrong?” with the presumption that it had to be something I did, I would be retired and living in my dream cabin in the mountains.

See, another HUGE thing I had to learn to cope with was myself.  I had to learn that people pleasing was not a coping tool, rather a way to mask whatever guilt or remorse I was feeling. I had to cope with that.  I had to learn how to recognize the difference between actually coping and sweeping the problem under the rug or enabling someone or using other poor methods:

  • drinking
  • drugging
  • silent scorn
  • blame
  • defensiveness
  • ignoring the feeling
  • manipulation

None of these ways worked!  These were not coping tools, these were character defects that I used to hurt people to get my way, pretending I was right (when I knew I was wrong).  Because as long as I was sure other people knew I was right, I felt better, if only for a short time.

How do you cope with day-to-day life or problems that come down your road?

A – Z Challenge ~ D is for Details

Image: ourmarketingmastery.com

Details.  We notice them whether we realize it or not, when we drive, walk, talk, read and watch a movie.  One of the most important aspects of paying attention to detail is in writing.  Well, dismantling bombs may require quite a bit of attention to detail, but that isn’t my forte.

Writing is my forte, and I confess, I am not a writer that uses an entire page to describe a room.  If it pertains to my story and I need it known (because it propels the story forward) I let it be known.  Otherwise, I leave a lot to the reader’s imagination.  Is this good?  Is it bad?  I don’t know.

I guess that is why I had such a hard time writing my novel for NaNoWriMo.

Details are amazing!  When stumped on a scene or a flash fiction piece, I make sure I pay a little extra attention to people the next time I am out.  Every single one of my characters has a trait or quality from a real live human bean, er, being.

The next time you are out and about, look around the street you drive down or the mall you walk through.  Find someone and really give them a once over.  What are they wearing around their neck?  Does she only have one earring on?  Is his shoelace broken?  Does he smell like cigarettes, cologne or both? Make up a story about a car in the gas station that has a dent in the back-end.  Look closer:  are they teeth marks?

Are there times when you pay attention to detail more than others?

And ROWing Right Along… ROW80 Update

Ah, good old ROW80… I have been keeping up on some goals while others found a piece of driftwood and floated out of my reach. I am loving all the blogs I have been reading.  I am not one hundred percent sure if my blog reading/commenting is a problem or not.  I really think I just love to read other blogs and comment on them. Is that so wrong? Is it?! I didn’t think so.

I reprinted my manuscript with half the edits I made.  It was a difficult decision, but the other manuscript (print version) was so befuddled that I had a difficult time concentrating on it.  So out of disgust and confusion I would stare at until I became cross-eyed and then throw it on the floor.  Yeah, not going to become a big time author that way.  So I started from my personal version of scratch.

In new news, I restarted my Parenting Blog.  I had this idea last year that with the homecoming of my sixteen year old daughter (after being estranged for five years), I would keep a log of how things went and do a daily journal of sorts. Well, things did not go according to plan (do they ever?) and I let it hop on that piece of driftwood.

The other day after getting into it with my teenage dream I was very frustrated and decided to hash it out on my Parent Life blog.  If you are interested or know someone who might be, you can find it by clicking The Parent Life. Like I said, it is kind of new and I only have one follower on the blog.  Maybe some other mommies or want to be mommies might want to swing by.  Or, if you are looking for a deterrent on parenting, it could behoove you as well. 😉

Revamped ROW80 goals are as follows:

  • Read/comment blogs – I am doing at least ten a day.  Not too shabby.
  • Triberr – was going strong for a while.  I stop by at least once a day.
  • Facebook – I am on there way too much (damn that Words With Friends!).
  • Twitter – I do a lot of my tweets through Triberr, so I am not on there as much as before.  Aim for once a day.
  • Health/wellness – I am officially back to the gym! Squee!!  I am digging it and already have visions of me being bikini model ready by June.
  • MANUSCRIPT – Will dedicate thirty minutes or ten pages a day editing (which ever comes first).

So that is it for now.  How are your goals coming along?  Looking forward to seeing everyone’s progress.. 🙂 Check out fellow ROWer progress or link your own here!

Happy ROWing!

Back to Our Regulary Scheduled Programming

Today was  quite a ruckus, eh?  A lot of webpages (including all of my blogs) were blacked out as a protest to the PIPA/SOPA Act. Apparently, we may be moving something along according to this report here.

Way to go protesters!!  Man, how far have we come! We the people of the United States of America don’t even have to get off our asses to protest something… Niiiice.

Hopefully the lot of us have stirred the fire.  And to the lot of you who had no idea what was going on (Facebook updates like: What the hell is up with Wikipedia?) shame on you.

What do you think?  How would you feel if you wanted to share an article or a song with someone on the internet and all of a sudden a steel door slammed over your screen, thereby smashing you fingers into the keyboard because it is FORBIDDEN to share the interesting with a fellow computer friend?  I mean, in this new age, it is all about sharing.  Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit, Blogger, WordPress… all of these sites share information, pictures, videos, music, blog posts and opinions.

SOPA/PIPA would be like an ugly little gremlin (no offense 80’s Gremlins and car Gremlins) sitting on your screen and blacking out your screen anytime you wanted to view something forbidden.  It would look something like this:

███ ████████ ██████ ██████████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ██████████ ██. ███ ███ This comment has been found in violation of H.R. 3261, S.O.P.A and has been removed.

SERIOUSLY?? It’s almost like Bizarro World.. but, more bizarro-er.  Check out this link here to get updated on all this garb.

Now.  Onto ROW80.

This week is STELLAR so far.  I got a lot of posting done, got a lot of writing done with the help of 750words.com and commented on a slue of blogs.  I slacked on editing my current WIP.  But it’s all good.  I am catching up on it tonight.

This Sunday is the New York Motorcycle Show! Sa-weet! I will be taking loads of pictures and posting mega content on the hottest new bikes and gear for 2012.  So be sure to look for that.

In other news, someone approached me about covering their heavy metal band doing a gig in Trenton, NJ in March.  😀 I am super stoked about that.  Yes, the article will be on my blog.  I am hoping good things will come from this!

GOALS FOR THE WEEK

  • Write
  • Read
  • Comment
  • Blog
  • Exercise

Happy ROWing my wonderful blogger/writer/ROWer peeps!