Waking Darkness

darkness before dawn
Image: hal-pc.org

Stuffed down in the dark, cobwebbed dirt

That’s where I bury the pain, loss and hurt,

I’ll never be that version of me again

Sometimes it’s easier to let the demons win,

Don’t you worry your pretty little head

There’s more than one way for us to be dead,

Sure I’m breathing but am I truly alive

It’s just an adaptation of conscious suicide,

Some days are a struggle from my first waking breath

And it’s all I can do not to hate myself to death…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/final/

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Daily Prompt: Final Say

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Final Say

I went to visit you today

At some random lake far away,

I brought your hoodie and that candle

Unsure… how much more could I handle?

People say you took the easy way out

They don’t know what they’re talking about,

Although I understand, I am still mad

There were many more memories we could have had,

Last I saw you, I still remember that day

You walked out… I never got my final say.

Lifestyle (Heavy Metal)

 

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via Daily Prompt: Lifestyle

People look at me funny when I walk down the street

They cross to the other side and look at their feet,

So what if I wear black, concert tees and too much eyeliner

I’m sure they think their lifestyle is much finer,

But to me nothing could be as good

As music that makes me feel understood,

Our community has a universal sign

Our symbol: devil horns held high,

So, before you decide to judge my looks

Those gutter vocals and demonic hooks,

You should now there is nothing more loyal or true

Than heavy metal lovers and their motley crew.

None

via Daily Prompt: None

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There… the tree where I last saw your face.

You were looking at me, waving and keeping your place.

The wind gusted and howled.

You laughed and I scowled.

There was no time to save you – none.

I screamed for you to run.

You didn’t; at once, you were dead.

Now I have a ton of fire wood in my shed.

Life and Life Stuff

A copy photograph of the portrait painted by O...
A copy photograph of the portrait painted by Oscar Halling in the late 1860’s of Edgar Allan Poe.

God willing, I will have a 7th Anniversary of being clean and sober on May 26th of this year.  I haven’t been blogging consistently, and I am truly sorry for that.  I have so much stuff going on in terms of kids, other writing obligations and “life stuff.”

But for now, I am going to focus on the writing aspect of my life.  Pull up a chair and a cup of your favorite beverage if you wish.

I started writing around the age of nine or ten I guess.  I remember writing my first book report about “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allen Poe in grade school.  I fell in love with the story, and Poe, and looked forward to writing more book reports (yes I was a geeky child)!  I started keeping a diary and wrote silly little stories about my friends inside.

As I grew and matured (using that term loosely), I stopped writing unless it was a letter in school to one of my BFF’s or a boy.

In my early twenties, I actually wrote my first novel.  It is unpublished to this date and only a lone printed, bound copy remains.  Most of that novel was written while drunk because I inherently felt I could only write when I was chemically altered.

Fast forward about four years and I decided to go to college at night as an English Major and wound up switching my major to Behavioral Health with a focus on addiction for the rest of my term.  Ironic.

So I wrote off and on, off and on for a number of years.  I kept many journals and diaries both hard copy and internet bound.  I wrote a lot of poetry.  Dark disturbing words (again always drunk and angry) I wrote steady over the course of a week.  I wrote about 130 poems in those seven days.  That is floating around somewhere as well.

I even had one published in a local newspaper!

Here it is:

Reality and fantasy, truth and lies.

When I’m awake I forget real, and fantasize.

When I speak my mind, I speak it well.

When I talk back, I listen even better.

When I hear other voices, I try to ignore.

Don’t tell me what to say, don’t tell me what to do.

I’m done listening to you; all you speak is tainted.

I’m stained with lies, marked by deceit.

My eyes are wicked, my grin is cold.

You look at me, but you can’t look long.

You’re so weak.  Ha!

Try to tell me you’re strong.

I laugh so loud inside, you can’t hear me.

But I can.

Reality and fantasy, I like to fantasize.

Reality is too much for me, I like my peace.

I like to be alone whenever I can.

So no one hears my whispers as I answer myself…

Again and again.

That is my first official published piece of anything.  I remember how excited I felt.  My mom got a bunch of the papers and framed a copy of the poem for me.  That copy sits on my dresser today and I look at it sometimes because I get caught up in life stuff and my dreams slip away.

So that’s it for me… for now.  Hope everyone is doing well.. maybe you’d like to tell me what is going on in your neck of the woods?  I’d sure like to hear about you!

Bored? Try This…

Every once in a while I get bored. Most times I have the ability to cure my boredom with one of the following twenty-five ways to cure boredom. If you are bored, or will be bored shortly.. try one or many of the following ways to cure boredom. Some of them are pretty common, like going for a walk or dancing to music. Others are not so common, like going snail hunting. Snail hunting is very time consuming! Not only are snails epically slow, but they are especially good at hiding.

Going to a mall without your wallet is a tough one. However, I have gone to the mall without my wallet and maybe 5 bucks in my pocket for a coffee. I walked the mall, looked in the stores and people watched. I saw a few things I wanted to buy (a few people too), but my wallet was at home. This turned out to be a great idea, because by the time I got home, I hadn’t remembered what I wanted to buy. I saved myself some cash.

As far as applying to a job you think you’ve not a snowball’s chance in Honduras of getting, I’m not saying a job that is completely out of your league. It is good to apply for positions you have some skills in, or may even have an interest in, like a zoo keeper.

Give a few of these a try.  If you have some better ideas you’d like to share with the rest of us, please do.

1) Write a poem.
2) Go for a walk.
3) Go for a walk and take pictures.
4) Listen to music and analyze the lyrics.
5) Dance to music.
6) Rearrange your cabinets.
7) Rearrange your schedule.
8) Go snail hunting.
9) Go to the mall; leave your wallet at home.
10) Listen to a type of music you’ve never listen to.
11) Watch a foreign movie.
12) Go to the library.
13) Doodle a picture story.
14) Use song titles to write a short story.
15) Apply to a job you’ve no chance of getting (you never know).
16) Make up cryptograms and put them away to solve the next time you are bored.
17) Volunteer somewhere. Anywhere.
18) Go through your closet and get rid of clothes you never wear.
19) Go for a drive without your GPS and get lost.
20) Start a conversation with a stranger.
21) Write a paragraph of how you would like people to perceive you.
22) Write a paragraph of how you think people perceive you.
23) Write a letter to a soldier.
24) Pick flowers and put them on a random grave.
25) Visit a historical site and take notes. Blog about it.