F.E.A.R.

I was working with one of my sponsors a few weeks ago, and she told me this phrase.  I almost fell out of my chair.  There are a few acronyms for “FEAR” such as: F*ck Everything And Run and Face Everything And Recover.  But… False Evidence Appearing Real is the one that works best for me. I have a lot of fear in everything I do.  Or should I say, everything I don’t do.  Fear holds me back in many decisions.  Is that why I am so damn indecisive?

Umm… definitely.

There have been times I felt the fear and did it anyway.  Like, the first time I rode a motorcycle, or a roller coaster, or stood up for myself in junior high school when I got in a fist fight.  There was definitely a lot of fear in those instances, but I did it anyway.  Ok, maybe getting in a fist fight is not the best example… The point is, I felt the fear and pushed through it.

A lot of us as children were afraid of the dark.  I remember when I was a little girl, I was afraid of my closet.  I swore to everything that there was a monster waiting to eat me.  The false evidence was the creeks from behind the closet door.  The fear appeared real because I believed it.  I would jump up and turn the light on, go look inside the closet and hey… no monster!  Imagine that.  The false evidence had appeared very real.

I am going through a major life change in the next six weeks.  I decided I need to leave my boyfriend.  We met in recovery a couple of months after I got sober.  He has done a lot for me and we have been through some great times.  But I see the big picture and it is pretty blank.  I won’t go into the sordid details (although it would make for some interesting reading).  Let’s just leave it in the “we grew apart” ditch.

Fear is absolutely a healthy emotion in certain situations.

So I have to be out by December 1st! How will I do it? Who the hell knows… I have faith in God, in my program and in myself that I will pull through this.

Have you ever pushed through the fear? How did you overcome? Share your thoughts and stories below! 

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A to Z Challenge ~ U is for Underdog

Bronze statue of Rocky Balboa at the Philadelp...
Bronze statue of Rocky Balboa at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, created by A. Thomas Schomberg, as commissioned by Sylvester Stallone. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ah, the underdog.  The person or being that has to go up against harsh odds to come out on top and prove to the world and himself that he is just as good as the top guns.
Remember Underdog the cartoon?  He was a little geeky dog that sprung into action to help his love interest Polly Purebred when she victimized by the evil Riff Raff.
My favorite underdog of all time is Rocky.  I am partial to the movie because it was filmed in my home town of Philadelphia, but more so I love when the underdog wins.
My top three Underdog Movies:
3. Braveheart – William Wallace goes on a tear of vengeance after the English kill his new wife.  One of my votes for most violent movie of all time.
2. The Karate Kid – Here’s a movie that is the epitome of being the new kid in a town full of jerks.  Daniel Larusso moves to a new town and has to put up with bullies.  He meets Mr. Miyagi who makes Daniel do tons of tedious chores “wax on – wax off” that frustrate Daniel.  All he wants to do is kick Pretty Boy Blondie’s ass. And he does.
1. Rocky – Of course Rocky!  Sylvester Stallone is my hero in this for more than the obvious reasons.   He wrote this screenplay and refused to let anyone play the lead in it except himself. How is that for balls?  Rocky is just a regular Shmoe who goes up against Apollo Creed (Rocky was supposed to lose the fight). Rocky goes toe to toe for fifteen rounds with Apollo.  This movie won three Oscars. Three!

Underdogs teach us that sometimes all we need is heart and determination to get through anything.

Do you recall a time in your life  when you were an underdog?  How about someone else?

A – Z Challenge ~ H is for Heart

Image: graphicsfuel.com

Heart is something we all have.  The Tin Man traveled all the way to the Land of Oz to get his, which it turned out he had all along.

Besides the long description in the dictionary of the physical heart (the aorta and all the other valves and such), there are other definitions.

1) The center of the total personality.

2) The center of the total emotion.

I find this utterly fascinating.  What does that mean?  The heart is the center of our being.  We cannot live without a heart. A heart breaks, aches, flutters and skips a beat.

How many songs have “heart” in the title?  A few of my favorites:

Janis Joplin – “Piece of My Heart”

Motley Crue – “Kickstart My Heart”

Def Leppard – “Bringing on the Heartbreak”

I put my heart into everything I do.  Don’t you?  When you’re real passionate about it… you put your heart into it.  When you’re not feeling it, it goes.. “my heart’s just not in it.”

Thought for the day:  What do you put your heart into?

Life: A Memoir of Embarrassing Moments

So….. I have been told by many people that my life has been interesting.  Well, mostly my children have told me this.  And I also noticed, that for every story someone has I have a counter story that is much, much better.

I bought a book six or so months ago about “How To Write Your Life Story” or some crap like that.  I read through most of it (I get through most of anything).  In the book they said “everyone’s life can be turned into a memoir.” I don’t think I necessarily agree with that.  There are certain people I wouldn’t really dig reading about, just as I am sure there are many people who wouldn’t dig reading about my life events.

And there there is the fame factor.

Like, if I wrote, “Today I had tuna on toast but decided to leave the crusts on because my horoscope said live on the edge” people would be like, “Wow. Lame.”

Buuut.. if say, Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue fame or Beyonce ate the same thing that day and blogged or tweeted about it or even threw it in an exclusive tell all book.. “This Is What I EAT!” people would be buying out the tuna and bread on the grocery aisle shelves.

I’m not sure why things go the way they do.  I just know that they go.

When I sit down to really think about it… I have had quite an interesting ride so far.  I have many stories that not only would be entertaining to people… but I really think people could get something out of them.  Kind of like, “wow I need to remember to never do that.  Ever.”

A couple of examples:

  • Never throw a cigarette butt in a trash can under a tree .. especially if the can is filled with paper.
  • When you’re seven, don’t put toothpaste on your eyelids. In fact, never do that at any age.
  • Listen to your grandmother when she tells you to never leave your drink unattended.  You could almost wind up dead somewhere.
  • If you really have to pee, just go to the bathroom.  Don’t stand in the classroom doing the wiggle jiggle dance while the teacher talks and ignores you.  The end result is embarrassing.

These are just a few instances that are fond memories of my past.  Ok, not 100% fond, but I lived through them and came out a stronger person for it.

Got any great stories? 😀