Did you have a cozy holiday weekend? I hope so. I did. We no longer have a fireplace but the hubs and I put one of those TV ones on with the Christmas music and had an enjoyable Christmas Morning with Spirit the Cat. I got a bean and spice grinder and so made some fresh coffee for us. We both got some new PJs and that made it even cozier!
So, my novel, Consequences, is currently being checked over one last time by me before I make a date with a great editor referred by a friend. I had sent her the first ten pages and she looked through it and gave me some pointers. I did notice a few things that needed sprucing and that’s what I am doing now.
My first publication, Poetry Through Darkness, is available on Amazon at the moment. Despite being for sale right now, I have a secret to share with you! It will be free this Saturday and Sunday! Yes. One whole weekend the kindle version of Poetry Through Darkness will be free. I could use some reviews on it so if you buy it or wait until it is free, please leave a review. I am hoping to generate some interest along with the other over 1,000,000 books currently for sale on Amazon. My father would see that and tell me to not even bother, and twenty years ago I would have listened.
The New Year approaches and we all know what that means… resolutions! Or as I like to call them… goals.
I don’t have many this year.
Get my novel published.
Pay off some debt.
Get back in shape.
*be able to quit the day job*
They are the big three – and one wing and a prayer one – for me. The novel is a huge one. I feel like this novel is the one! I truly do. I was thinking of doing some character posts. I have read these before. The writer posts a blurb from one of the main characters as if the character is speaking directly to the audience. Have you ever seen anything like this and what did you think?
I hope you all have an awesome rest of your week! It is bitter cold here on the East Coast today so I am truly doing my best to stay cozy. Being at work, however, they frown upon fuzzy blankets, good books, and giant mugs of hot chocolate!
Today’s word is confess which is perfect for an end of year rambling or musing. Have you ever gone to an actual confession? Have you been inside a Catholic church amidst the beauty of stained glass and statues to step inside the confessional and sit opposite a priest only separated by a screen and self-loathing? I have not had the pleasure. Or maybe the agony? I suppose it depends upon the outcome. My ex-mother-in-law was big on Catholic Shame and confession, so anything I learned about it was mostly from her incessant crazed kitchen table sermons.
At the end of the year, I do an inventory of my thoughts, actions, deeds, etc. This probably seems arrogant and for me to write about it, even more, pretentious. But I do it for a reason and that reason is that I need to know if I am a better or worse version of myself that before. Does that make sense?
It takes some serious honesty and since there was a time in my life when that word made my skin crawl like a vampire in sunlight, it is exciting. I like being honest with myself and I know when I am and when I’m not.
I haven’t kept the clutter in the house at the minimum I wanted to and it is a little out of control. I have this awful habit of letting junk mail and magazines and papers pile up to a ridiculous amount. It isn’t Hoarders worthy, but it gets pretty absurd and it drives my husband nuts. Sometimes I do catch it in time and as I throw most of it away, I always think, “why do I always do this? I throw it away every damn time. Why don’t I save myself the trouble and the clutter and just get rid of it in the first place?”
What do I need to hold on to so bad? I don’t.
I made a point of telling myself that this coming year will be different as I am starting to get rid of all the junk before the first day of 2018. I am checking off to-do lists before that fateful day of cleaned out refrigerators, overstuffed gyms, and such.
As 2012 comes to a close… I have looked through my Penzu journal, gone through old notebooks and basically stepped back and looked at the canvas of my life. It hasn’t exactly been a spectacular year… but then it has been a spectacular year. I fell down a cliff on a quad, I celebrated six years of sobriety in May, I started going to Al-Anon (which changed my life!) and I ended a six year, toxic relationship never dreaming that I’d enter into a new relationship with a man who I am pretty sure was made just for me.
I read somewhere that when we order up the life we want to exact specifications, we just might get it. Well, I seem to be on my way.
Procrastination – Insecurity – Self-loathing – Laziness – Self-doubt – feeling unworthy in most situations. Ahhh.. those old ugly beliefs and bad thoughts that I wish I could beat with a hammer. However, thoughts are not tangible so I have to beat them with positive thinking!
Get it done! I am beautiful! I can and will prevail! Successful author! I have to fake it ’til I make it – and my advice to all of you is to do the same. Faking it ’til we make it is like a mental affirmation of determination that only we know about. It kinda goes along with that whole “The Secret” thing. Trust me – it freaking works.
How about you? What is your out with the old, in with the new for the coming year?
Yep. That time when we reflect on the previous 364 days and say things like, “Man.. I should have kept up with the gym.” OR “Wow, if only I’d have saved that two dollars a day like I wanted to!” Or, my favorite: “What the hell have I done all year?”
Well, I went to the gym about 1/16 as much as I wanted to. I didn’t save ANY money this year. I didn’t start the “Stop Roadkill Squirrels” foundation like I wanted to. The amount of squirrel carcasses in the middle of roads sickens me. How could you people? There were a few problems with starting my foundation, the first one being I am the only person who really gives a crap about dead squirrels (and other furry road kill) except my children.
Yes, I instilled the “it doesn’t matter if your head goes into the dashboard – save the damn squirrel!” mantra into my beautiful children. It is so bad that when I am driving down the road and I see a lifeless lump up ahead, I say things like, “That better not be a squirrel!” Sometimes it isn’t a dead squirrel (or cat, or raccoon, or possum) to which I shout “yay!” Other times, it is and I say things like, “Good job, a-hole. What did that poor squirrel do to you?” and yes, I am actually in my car, alone, when I say these things. Or with my children who stare out the windshield with lifeless eyes, pretending they don’t hear me. But I know they do.
Yes, people have asked me if I have had a psychiatric evaluation. Yes, I have had one. The doctors laughed nervously and told me I was “a-okay Ms. Steelman!”
So THIS year I am doing it different. I am making a list of things I want to do over the course of my life. Kind of like a Pushing 39 Bucket List. The catch is I have to do two a year. If I do more than that well then I will just give myself a Scratch N Sniff Sticker, a cup of coffee and hug a squirrel.
So the 2012 Kick in the Ass To Do List so far is…
Ski. (going on January 1st – hee hee)
Go to the freaky deaky womba bomba GYM. (I have a hard time with this one due to the slacker gene passed down through my family for centuries – thanks Mom & Dad!)
That’s pretty much it for now. Now.. I am hoping the skiing goes well. I like trees, but not much into moshing with them.
Yep! It is December. That time of year for Christmas Present shopping, holiday baking and beating our heads against the wall as we deal with traffic, crowds, whiny kids (most times not our own) and trying to figure out how to hold it together for the last four weeks of the year.
What is with the self-inflicted pain you ask…. All those “I am going to do so many new things in 2011!”
I’m gonna lose fifteentenfive some pounds!
I’m gonna get something published!
I’m going to spend more time with my family!
I’m going to quit smoking!
I’m going to throw out donate everything in my closet that I no longer wear.