Crazy or Creative?

I’m off from my “real job” today.  You would think this means I am sitting here, pounding feverishly on the keyboard as my WIP comes to breath-taking life.

Simply not true.  So far this morning I have checked my Twitter account 17 times, checked Facebook 8 times and even checked my Tumblr account and my Blogspot blog.

I do not have a desk so I do this awful “hunch over the laptop on the coffee table” thing that is seriously taking a toll on my back.  I think at this point I should probably invest in one of those “lap desks” or whatever the hell they’re called.

So as I write my novel (or attempt to really) I conjured up another creative idea.

A book detailing the thoughts of a crazy person.  Kind of like a journal of sorts.  The thing is, they will be my thoughts transferred from demented mind to paper.  I joke around that I am crazy.  I have morbid thoughts, disturbing thoughts… crazy thoughts.  I suppose most writers/musicians/artists do.  Thank  the gravy that God gave us all a talent to put it to good use instead of taking our thoughts out on the living.

Now, I have never been officially diagnosed as “crazy” per say. But I often feel crazy, like I do not fit in.  Not to mention the exorbitant amount of people who have called me crazy and meant it. Conversations that often go:

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“Ha! Thanks,” I say with a playful smile.

“No. I mean it. You’re a sick fuck.”

“Oh,” I say as the smile fades from my face.

It is lonely at times.  No one gets me.  I am continuously terrified to really be me out in public.  Sometimes I cannot help it and kind of let loose.  This is something that has plagued me all my life.

I have gone for tests, but always knew the right answers and chirped them out with unabated enthusiasm.  Does this make me a psychopath?  I have never killed anyone (seriously).  I don’t even kill bugs.

So what’s the deal?

Daily Meditation for February 13, 2011

Get Rid Of Fear

Emerson said: “Do the thing you fear, and death of fear is certain.”

There are a lot of different emotions that fall into the category fear.  Jealousy, insecurity and selfishness are just a few.  When we are fearful, we give away our power.  Fear rears its ugly head when we say, “I can’t” or “But” or “What if”.  Fear stays in us when we are in a hopeless situation and remain because we are afraid of failure or change.

Talk to your partner about that issue, ask your boss for that raise or take flying lessons.  Once we get past the fear, there is nothing more to be afraid of.  Most often, we say, “that wasn’t so bad. I wonder what I was so afraid of?”

Meditation for the day: Letting go of fear builds my character.

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