Just Be…

Image: thisdrumandbass.com

My good friend Heather introduced me to this phrase: “Just be.” She has an awesome blog about alternative therapies.  Go check it out!  I’ll be here when you get back.

Back to “just being.”  It took me a little while to really grasp what exactly that meant.  I’m really good at nodding at people when they start talking about things I may not understand, this is true.  I am even better, however, at nodding at things I want to understand.

And I desperately wanted to understand and learn how to “just be.”  So I gave it some thought.  Okay, I gave it a lot of thought teetering on the brink of mildly consumed.  And then one day…

I was sitting on my front step, drinking my coffee, smoking my cigarette (bad girl!) and listening to the birds while feeling the wind on my face and watching the stars in the sky twinkle brighter  than ever (stars seem their brightest between four am – five am). 

And then like a sparrow nearly smashing into my face it hit me.  In that moment, on my step surrounded by nature, stars and cars in the parking lot… I was just being.  My head was not racing with thoughts, deadlines, my kids, money or writing.  I was just a body on the step with a blank mind enjoying my environment.

How awesome is that?  Let me tell you, it was so awesome that I try to “just be” at least 3-5 times a week now.  And it helps.  A lot.  There is great peace and growth in just being.  It is one of my favorite things to do. 

How about you?  How do you “just be?”

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Crazy or Creative?

I’m off from my “real job” today.  You would think this means I am sitting here, pounding feverishly on the keyboard as my WIP comes to breath-taking life.

Simply not true.  So far this morning I have checked my Twitter account 17 times, checked Facebook 8 times and even checked my Tumblr account and my Blogspot blog.

I do not have a desk so I do this awful “hunch over the laptop on the coffee table” thing that is seriously taking a toll on my back.  I think at this point I should probably invest in one of those “lap desks” or whatever the hell they’re called.

So as I write my novel (or attempt to really) I conjured up another creative idea.

A book detailing the thoughts of a crazy person.  Kind of like a journal of sorts.  The thing is, they will be my thoughts transferred from demented mind to paper.  I joke around that I am crazy.  I have morbid thoughts, disturbing thoughts… crazy thoughts.  I suppose most writers/musicians/artists do.  Thank  the gravy that God gave us all a talent to put it to good use instead of taking our thoughts out on the living.

Now, I have never been officially diagnosed as “crazy” per say. But I often feel crazy, like I do not fit in.  Not to mention the exorbitant amount of people who have called me crazy and meant it. Conversations that often go:

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“Ha! Thanks,” I say with a playful smile.

“No. I mean it. You’re a sick fuck.”

“Oh,” I say as the smile fades from my face.

It is lonely at times.  No one gets me.  I am continuously terrified to really be me out in public.  Sometimes I cannot help it and kind of let loose.  This is something that has plagued me all my life.

I have gone for tests, but always knew the right answers and chirped them out with unabated enthusiasm.  Does this make me a psychopath?  I have never killed anyone (seriously).  I don’t even kill bugs.

So what’s the deal?

Here Comes The Rain.. The Thunder.. oh, and The Lightning.

Rain. I love it when I have nowhere to be. I love listening to rain smack the ground, the trees and the air conditioner in the window. Rain is cleansing. It purifies the Earth and my soul.

At this moment it is not just raining. There is a wicked thunderstorm going on outside. The thunder is so loud, it sounds almost fake. I love that, too.

Thunder scares some people. I never remember being afraid of thunder. I used think that two dark, poofy clouds which seem weightless and smack together was thunder. I think most people thought this. Now it seems the sound of thunder comes from by lightning. What?

I won’t get into any scientific details here, because a) I am no scientist and b) it is all over the web and for me to sit here for three hours and piece together some mumbo jumbo about thunder being lightning that has already been written by others (way better mind you) is ludicrous.

So it was a sunny Sunday morning. I took a nap and awoke to a cloudy afternoon.

Although thunder does not scare me, lightning does. Maybe it is because I never get a warning before it shows its flashy self. When I see lightning, I have these horrific images of a bolt shooting across the sky coming right at me. I have nowhere to take cover, save a tree maybe.

What idiot runs under a tree when there is lightning around? Not this idiot, that’s for sure.

I was going to write a poem about the thunder, the rain.. oh yeah, and the lightning. But then I thought… WHY? I haven’t written a poem in five years. Sure, I had a dark, slightly disturbing poem published in a local newspaper about ten years ago. But a poem? Really?

Eh, maybe I’ll give it a shot. When it all boils down and I am left staring at the empty pot on the stove, what is left to lose? Ok, maybe the pot, but they’re like twelve bucks at Wal-Mart.

Let Bygones Be Bygones

Meditation For Tuesday, February 22, 2011

When we are young we learn about disappointment, hurt and anger.  As we grow most of us learn tools to handle these pains and letdowns.  Those of us who do not learn effective coping tools wind up holding onto resentments that hurt our own well-being.  Holding onto pain from the past hurts our future.

Emotional pain sticks with us longer than physical pain.  If we fall down and skin a knee, we may cry for a moment, but we get up, brush it off and keep on trekking.  However, emotional pain burrows inside of us.  We sit and we dwell and we think of ways to get even or we manifest misdeeds done unto us, letting it damage us continually until we are full of hate.

In the movie American History X, Edward Furlong’s character says, “Hate is baggage.  Life’s too short to be ticked off all the time.”  When I heard that line a light bulb went off in my head. He used a stronger word.. but you get the point.

When we are angry at others, or full of hate, the only ones we hurt are ourselves.  Most of the people we are angry at long forget that we were ever mad at them in the first place.  Others never knew that they had upset us or maybe they did and didn’t care.

So there we sit, in our dimly lit room, or driving our car, stewing over the injustices done to us by careless people.

Get over it.  When you keep your anger, you give away your power.  You are letting the actions or words of others dictate your well-being.  Why would you want to give someone else that kind of control?

If you are so upset that you can’t see straight, write it down, scream at the wall or punch a pillow.  If you feel you really must let the person know how upset you are, write it down first.  It is important that you do this so that you can read it over a few times and let the situation sink in a little.  Often, we realize we are overreacting and wind up tearing the paper up and never saying anything.

If you feel you must say something, it is important that you get it in your head in a way that will be effective in communicating why you are upset.  Calling someone names and rehashing things that have long been talked about can lead to an argument and more resentment.

Meditation for the day:  Letting go of resentment and anger kindles my wellbeing.

Eat Right – Feel Right

Meditation for Friday, February 18, 2011

They say a healthy body equals a healthy mind.  Or was that a healthy mind equals a healthy body?  It goes both ways.  The healthier you eat, the better you feel.

Now, I am not telling you to turn into a rabbit and only eat salads and veggies.  Eating only one of the food groups is not good for you either.  It is important to eat a balance of protein, carbs and fats.  Yes!  Fats!

Not so fast there, speed.  Eating heart healthy fats doesn’t mean hitting your favorite fast food joint and chowing down on the latest burger.

Some foods with healthy fats are: Walnuts, pine nuts, almonds, flaxseeds and pumpkin seeds, fish (not fish sticks), papaya and cantaloupe.

Be sure to get in a serving or two of veggies as well.  Veggies contain a lot of vitamins and nutrients.  You can find any food pyramid on the internet to tell you how much of what to eat in a day. Dark leafy greens, yellow squash and carrots are a few of the great veggies that can help eat healthy.

Yes, it is difficult to get in all of the food groups.  But if you eat a balanced diet of lean protein, vegetables and carbs you’ll be giving your body the nutrients it needs.

As far as snacks go, try to cut back on junk food.  Dried fruit, veggie crisps and frozen whole fruit bars are great healthy snacks.

If you are chocolate freak, try an ounce of dark chocolate here and there to curb your craving or a low fat frozen chocolate treat.  Dark chocolate is better for you than milk chocolate because it has more cocoa in it and less sugar.  Not to mention the antioxidants it contains.

Drink 100% fruit juice or water instead of soda.  If you aren’t a fan of water, they have little flavor packets in the drink aisle at the grocery store.  Dump one in, shake well and enjoy!

Eating healthy leads to feeling healthy and when we feel healthy we feel happy.

Daily meditation:  I put good things in my body so that I can feel good inside and out.