Don’t Panic

Don’t panic. If you’ve ever read Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, you know all about that awesome catch phrase. Besides awesome works of fiction, it applies to any humans’ daily life as well.

Today I was driving to work and as I neared my destination (I was about ten minutes away) I felt this excruciating burning on my back. What the hell? I had to think about it for a second. Then it went away, and I kept driving. Then it came back. Holy shit, what the hell is that?! I knew what it was, but I couldn’t figure out how it got to my back. Then I realized all four of my windows were down (my AC doesn’t work) and the culprit must have gotten sucked into the cab of my truck.

Bee sting. Ouch.

Once I figured out it had to be a bee, I took deep, intentional breaths and found a spot to pull over (church parking lot). I was moving faster now as it was burning like hell. I threw the truck in park, hopped out, ran around the side away from the traffic and tore my shirt off over my head. I shook my stripped clothing vigorously and spotted the bee.

“Mr. Bee, why?” I asked as he fell to the ground. He didn’t answer but I knew that it didn’t matter why, it just mattered that I managed to not panic and was able to pull over and get my situation back to normal (without causing an accident) before I continued to work. When I got there, one of my female coworkers was in the office and I asked her to go in the bathroom with me and see if there was a stinger in my back. She looked and there wasn’t. Just a giant, red welt.

Okay, I can deal with that. I took some Advil, made my green tea and got on with my day.

So, why am I telling you this weird story about a bee sting and not panicking? Because when we panic, shit gets effed up. I mean, what if I had panicked and drove into oncoming traffic? Or hopped out of my moving car? I’m not sure that it is human nature to panic or of we just tell ourselves that because we’re expected to panic.

No matter what happens: don’t panic.

In my new book, I am writing about a carnival that comes to a small Pennsylvania coal town and a local waitress disappears during this time. Are they related? You’ll have to read the book to find out. But in writing my female lead, she is also the type of person who doesn’t panic – other people in my books panic, but my female leads don’t. I tend to like people who don’t panic…

Do you tend to panic or remain calm in high stress situations?

Advertisements

Let’s Talk About Down Time

Last week I had kind of a scare.

How busy are you? Between relationships, jobs, kids, pets, appointments, hobbies, paying bills, making meals, self-care, commuting… where do you fit in to everything? Like, where is there a section of time blocked out for you without kids, pets, deadlines, spouses, bosses, etc.?

Last week I had kind of a scare. I went in for a routine OB-GYN appointment then found out I ultimately have to have a full hysterectomy. Okay, I am 46 years old, I can deal with that. So, we set it up (even though I still need to go for more tests – can you say MONEY GRAB?) and I am scheduled for the end of August. Then, at the end of last week, I had an awful migraine to which nothing would relieve it. I left work early on Friday and had a grueling weekend only to have to go to the ER because I could not stop vomiting and felt like walking death (literally). Well, here, I did not know that feeling the way I did would lead to potassium depletion and that can make a person feel like dogged hell.

So, why am I telling you this? When we get busy we often forget to take care of ourselves. It is so easy to put our health last, to push off eating or forgoing a nap when we are exhausted. Taking care of our bodies is as important as taking care of our minds. I realized that a few days ago as I laid in the hospital on a potassium chloride drip due to potassium depletion that I had some serious decisions to make about my life. And I came up with a few:

  1. It is time for me to get serious about finding work closer to home. We moved three years ago and my current job is 25 – 27 miles from my home. That makes for close to an hour of travel each way. That is ten hours a week travel time and 250 miles a week (12 hours and 300 miles during tax season).
  2. I have to get consistent with my meditation and self-care. I noticed I feel so much better when I meditate and get mindful about my day. One of the terrible things I do is run on autopilot every day. Not a good idea. Also, taking my vitamins and getting in some exercise. I am forty-six years old… the longer I put it off, the worse I feel.
  3. I really have to commit to saying “No.” when I feel it is justified. Sheesh. How many times do I say, “Yeah, sure, I’ll get right on that.” only to regret it immediately and be mad at myself for not sticking up for me. I have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a little while in the name of self-care.

The truth is, there is no shame in self-care. If we’re not careful we can exhaust ourselves and for most things that could wait or will go on long after we’re gone (jobs, chores, etc). So do yourself a great thing and take the nap, have that bit of ice-cream, write that book, move to that new place… do what it takes to take care of YOU. You’re the only you there is! I think Dr. Seuss said it best:

Have a blessed day. ❤

A Work in Progress

3e4ace41fb0bd063ef53b32735a26d2fGood morning fellow humans… I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I wanted to tell everyone that there are now officially three poetry books for sale on Amazon. Click on the link to the right and it will take you to the page.

Also, I am entertaining the thought of self-publishing ‘Consequences’  despite my husband being strongly against it. He feels I should keep submitting to traditional publishers and agents.

I signed up to do NaNoWriMo this year against my better judgment and I totally shit the bed on it. I got about ten days in and was so busy with other things, that I didn’t keep up with my word count and not only that, I have just been in a negative type of mood and it is impacting me in a negative way.

I believe in energy, so I know that the reason all this negative shit is going on around me is a direct result of my state of mind.

My books aren’t selling and I totally get it. I didn’t do any serious marketing and also I don’t belong to any poetry groups or anything close to it, so no one knows I exist. That’s acceptable for now. I check my Amazon once a week.

In other news… I keep bumping up against resistance at the day job and I am taking it as my subconscious creating it because while it pays decent, it is a dead-end job. I will always only be an administrative assistant. It is one of the most non-creative positions I have had in my life. I mean, I could be creative, but I am micro-managed a lot, and you know how that goes.

In other, other news… I will have my Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts by January! 🙂 Super happy about that. I plan on taking a year off and then going after my Bachelor’s in Environmental Science.

So, since I am feeling the pull-down, I insist on recognizing it, accepting it, and then moving away from it. The longer I sit in my negative garbage, the more it affects me in a negative way.

Once this semester is over, I am going to take great steps to reclaim my sanity and begin journaling/meditating for at least thirty minutes a day. I know therein lies great peace and calm.

Do you have any holiday plans? How about NaNoWriMo… did you or are you participating?

Blessed Be. )O(

(Photo credit – “A Better Me” – Pinterest)

Checkin’ In

 

hello-1379252_960_720

Good afternoon, y’all. Since the dismantling of the daily post, I find that I haven’t much to post here. I am still working on edits for the book and also my third poetry book which I have pushed back twice now. Well, my husband has been in the process of opening his own tattoo shop and I have been helping out, so there is that, too.

My vacation was supposed to be this week, but last week just made more sense. I had plans to be home every day, catching up on reading and writing, but life always happens and I am cool with that.

I’ve also been studying the Law of Attraction which seems to be making so much sense. I never looked at the things that have happened to me in my life as being my fault. They were always someone else’s fault, but the more I study and look back on everything, I can see where my mood/attitude directly affected my state of mind and surroundings.

On the book, I have hit a literary (not literal) wall. I had all these plans to write all these wonderful things and help people with my stories and poetry of getting through my hell called addiction, and I just cannot think of any two words that flow.

Yes, I still plan on publishing, but most likely in July. Right now, I am working on discipline. Truthfully, I am lazy as hell, and I suck at discipline. The only time I am good at discipline is when my life is on the line, or I am super pissed off. But I am trying not to be pissed off all the time because it hinders my well-being.

So, I keep watching videos, reading books, and putting the tools to practice. So far, I do feel better and am dismissing things that previously annoyed the shit out of me. I am watching and reading a lot of Abraham Hicks stuff and noticed there are a lot of celebrities who have put these tools to practice! And take a look at their lives! Holy crap.

My biggest hang up is believing I am worthy of success. Sometimes I am pretty hard on myself, but lately, I have been catching my thoughts and switching them to a more positive stream. It says to give it thirty days, and it has been about eighteen. But I am feeling better.

It’s all a state of mind…

 

Awkward Moments

book-3406206_960_720

A life riddled

With awkward moments

Passionate

Extreme

So many tales

Tears and laughter

Grief and satisfaction

Photogenic reminiscences of a life endured

Of love suffered

Moments of agony wrapped in splendor

Only awkward felt reasonable

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/awkward/

Image: Pixabay

Slight Shift

torrent-3236371_960_720

Let me just start by saying:

I am not crazy.

Happy Monday and all that… I have been reading and watching a lot of books, articles, and videos about the Law of Attraction because I feel like something is holding me back. Well, it turns out, I’m right. There is something holding me back:

Me.

Now, I am taking steps to shift my thinking: slight, deliberate steps and already see things changing. A girl gave me a book about it over ten years ago and I had chucked it on my I’ll never read this pile.

Now, I am reading it like it is the map to the Ark of the Covenant… and it kind of feels that way.  I am excited about life every day.

I’ve tried talking to a few people about this, and most look at me as if a second head is literally sprouting from my ear. Maybe there is?

All those annoying quotes about life being what you make it, I think therefore I am, I am what I hang around, etc., well, it turns out it is all true. And I am thrilled to know more and more people each day that are hopping on this train. I can’t imagine what the world would be like if everyone followed their bliss.

Shift your perception.

It would be heaven on earth.

Just follow your bliss.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/slight/

About Suicide Thoughts

cliff-2213614_960_720.jpg

**I found this post while cleaning out my document folder. I wrote it four years ago and assume I did so because I had recently lost someone and I questioned my own mortality. **

Why People That Commit Suicide Don’t Talk About It Beforehand

I am terrified to share this, because of the stigma associated with people that attempt or commit suicide, hell, people who even think about suicide.  However, I am going to because I had a very dark moment last night that I believe only God helped me out of.  Only God because I was alone in my basement.  People don’t talk about this shit because they are embarrassed.  They don’t talk about it because they are afraid they will be laughed at, made fun of or worse yet, called a psycho and told to “get help.”

We all know someone who committed suicide.  Tragically sad, it’s true.  We sit and we think, “Why didn’t we know how they felt?”  “Why didn’t they reach out?”  “How could they do this?”

I’ll tell you why.  Because during the grey moments before the darkness consumes; before the shadows engulf the eternally depressed, We Did Reach Out.

We complained a lot.  We were sad a lot.  Or maybe even we were a little too happy.  We tried to talk about how we felt, but no one wanted to hear about it.  They were either too busy or they judged.

“Stop being stupid.”  “Don’t be an asshole – grow up.”  “You have so much to live for.  Just be happy.”

Or there is the whole: “Everyone feels like that.”  “Oh, you’ll be fine.” “Suck it up, buttercup.”

There is a subtle, consuming darkness before the thought that “I seriously cannot think of one goddamn reason to be on this Earth” hits a person.

There is that complete darkness – literal and virtual – that we sit in and we actually begin steps to take our own life.  We yell, we cry and sob – We beg God to help us.  We do this alone, maybe in the basement while our loved ones sleep upstairs, clueless.

Some of us get a fleeting moment, a millisecond in time of rational thinking – some of us do not get that sliver of hope. Some of us write notes because there is no other way to communicate, some of us do not because we have no idea what to say. And quite frankly, they didn’t want to hear it in the first place, so what is the point of a note, really?

I mean… fucking really.

So, maybe we go to the ‘shrink’ and we talk about our shit for a while and the only solution they come up with is, “You are (fill in the blank).  Here, start this medication and come back in a month.  We’ll see how you’re feeling then. And oh yeah, don’t forget the $50. co-pay.”

Or we go to the shrink and they nod the whole time we talk and they hand us a piece of paper with bullet points on it.

Or we go to the shrink and it’s so goddamn expensive it comes down to “Electric Bill or Mental Health?”

We have really exhausted every option and all we want is to be heard. We need someone to just shut the fuck up and listen.

So maybe the next time someone you know (whether you are very close or not so close) seems to be acting different or is sad (maybe for the 13th time in 3 weeks) or really happy (too happy?), ask what’s on their mind and really mean it.  Sit and listen; don’t judge.

You might just save that person’s life.

***

Image: Pixabay

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/observe/