People complain about pain, but pain helps us grow. It tests our boundaries and lets us know what we like and don’t like. It helps us feel when we’ve had enough. Pain shows us what we can handle and what we have to change.
Change is inevitable. Sometimes I hate change, but it has to be. I mean, nothing changes if nothing changes. Sometimes I wish it was still 1986 and I could get a ‘do over’ but then my life might be different right now. We can talk about fate, journeys, and predetermined destinations in another post.
I watched the miniseries on Ted Kaczynski (the Unabomber) and I felt sad. I felt sad because he was a man who was a genius who had been through a lot. He could have helped so many people but he chose to hurt people. He could have used his knowledge and pain to help others and make a difference. Instead, he used his gifts for malice. He lived in a hunting cabin in the middle of nowhere and that frightened me because I would love to live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Does that make me a psychopath?
I went to the park Saturday to take a walk and reconnect with nature and also with myself. I’m still weeding out stuff to write this memoir (which I already started) that is really a rough draft. I have gone through every event in my life so far.
I have been through hell.
But I am still here.
So my story needs to be told – not with homemade bombs but with powerful words.
I used to be ashamed of my scars, but now I am proud. Why should I be ashamed of things that have shaped me? I shouldn’t and neither should you.
Never be ashamed of your scars. They are a part of who you are.
So….. I have been told by many people that my life has been interesting. Well, mostly my children have told me this. And I also noticed, that for every story someone has I have a counter story that is much, much better.
I bought a book six or so months ago about “How To Write Your Life Story” or some crap like that. I read through most of it (I get through most of anything). In the book they said “everyone’s life can be turned into a memoir.” I don’t think I necessarily agree with that. There are certain people I wouldn’t really dig reading about, just as I am sure there are many people who wouldn’t dig reading about my life events.
And there there is the fame factor.
Like, if I wrote, “Today I had tuna on toast but decided to leave the crusts on because my horoscope said live on the edge” people would be like, “Wow. Lame.”
Buuut.. if say, Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue fame or Beyonce ate the same thing that day and blogged or tweeted about it or even threw it in an exclusive tell all book.. “This Is What I EAT!” people would be buying out the tuna and bread on the grocery aisle shelves.
I’m not sure why things go the way they do. I just know that they go.
When I sit down to really think about it… I have had quite an interesting ride so far. I have many stories that not only would be entertaining to people… but I really think people could get something out of them. Kind of like, “wow I need to remember to never do that. Ever.”
A couple of examples:
Never throw a cigarette butt in a trash can under a tree .. especially if the can is filled with paper.
When you’re seven, don’t put toothpaste on your eyelids. In fact, never do that at any age.
Listen to your grandmother when she tells you to never leave your drink unattended. You could almost wind up dead somewhere.
If you really have to pee, just go to the bathroom. Don’t stand in the classroom doing the wiggle jiggle dance while the teacher talks and ignores you. The end result is embarrassing.
These are just a few instances that are fond memories of my past. Ok, not 100% fond, but I lived through them and came out a stronger person for it.
Sharing my story openly and honestly about living, surviving and thriving with Bipolar 1 Disorder and PTSD to increase awareness, educate, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you...