funny – Darlene A. McGarrity

Talk About It Tuesday – Sexist Laundry Instructions and Stalkers

It’s Tuesday! That means getting the nitty-gritty on all the fruitious loopious people in the world. Last week we chatted about Black Madams and Tobacco. Yep. If you’re looking to get your butt pumped up to give it that “b-donk-a-donk” look, the Philly Butt Pumping Madam is locked up. Sorry!

Today we’re talking about potentially offensive laundry instructions inside men’s trousers. Not sure what town this is in but an editor for Daily Media found the tag inside her boyfriend’s pants. Below the actual wash instructions, the tag reads, “Or give it to your woman, it’s her job.” Check the article out. What do you think? See, I have this thing about people telling me what to do, so after reading that tag I would not have washed them. Oh, who am I kidding, I don’t read laundry instructions!

In Washington State, a woman planned her wedding with the man of her dreams! The only problem is he didn’t know! Yep. A 64-year-old woman had her dress and ring picked out for her big day. Only, the husband to be didn’t find out until a court employee called him about his wedding. The guy also received a phone call from a jewelry store. Now, I know all is far in love and ice cream, but you got to give a guy a clue, right?

In Maryland, a 3-year-old girl was essentially abandoned at a Chuck E. Cheese’s because everybody in the party thought someone else had the kid! The kid was not discovered missing until local media aired a picture of the girl. I read the comments after the article on this one. Some people seem to think it was an honest mistake. Still, I have been at places with large groups of family and my children. I am not leaving until I know specifically who has my kid. Do you have kids? Nieces or nephews? What’s your stance on kids being left behind?

In Boynton Beach, FL a woman was attacked while trying to get her mail. It is so important to make sure your car is parked before you try to exit said vehicle. If not, there is a possibility of the car attacking you without any provocation. Put it in park! It is kind of like that movie with Jan Michael Vincent where the car totally attacks people (it was possessed by Indians or something) or Christine! Ok, maybe not… I am reaching.

Hey, if you have a crazy story you’d like to share or see here on Talk About It Tuesday, drop me a line. Thanks for joining me for crazy antics in the news… see you next Tuesday! 😀

Talk About It Tuesday – People Are Whacked

Rope anyone? — Image courtesy of ropespolyplast.com

Welcome to another edition of Talk About It Tuesday. Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day last week. The weather is getting warmer here on the East Coast. I’m not sure if that is good or bad, but I am enjoying it.

Last week we talked about an adorable penguin named Roast Beef and a dude who slathered his naked self in chocolate and peanut butter. As a writer, it is important for me to observe human behavior. I am sure all my writer friends would agree. That’s why I get a kick out of these stories.

Truth really is stranger than fiction.

In Leechburg, Pennsylvania, 23 year-old Timothy Beer was reading the newspaper (people still do that?) and came across an article about a man robbing a Chinese restaurant. After reading about the robbery, he went to the police station and confessed to the crime! The man claims his other personality committed the crime. It wasn’t me, it was the other me!

Well, I guess you’re free to go then!

So you say you’ve got nothing going on in your life? Well try this: 6-foot 4, 300 pounds of man walked into a Downingtown, PA Wal-Mart wearing nothing but a pair of socks. The funniest part of the article: The video also shows shoppers avoiding Taylor. Um, I don’t know about you, but if I spot a big naked guy walking around a store, guess what… I am not introducing myself.

In Portland, Oregon, a woman was spotted in the front seat of a car naked and bound with duct tape. Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers and the like to express their feelings and sentiment. Nothing says I love you like playing S & M games in your car (in public). A stunt like this is also a stark reminder of those we’d like to stay out of the gene pool. Of course good U.S. citizens reported this to the police. Of course it was all a misunderstanding.

I am so glad there are so many whackos in the world. It makes it so much more interesting! Have you read any crazy stories lately? Enjoy the rest of your week and be sure to drop by Thursday for The Walking Dead Chow Down.

Toodles!

Life: A Memoir of Embarrassing Moments

So….. I have been told by many people that my life has been interesting. Well, mostly my children have told me this. And I also noticed, that for every story someone has I have a counter story that is much, much better.

I bought a book six or so months ago about “How To Write Your Life Story” or some crap like that. I read through most of it (I get through most of anything). In the book they said “everyone’s life can be turned into a memoir.” I don’t think I necessarily agree with that. There are certain people I wouldn’t really dig reading about, just as I am sure there are many people who wouldn’t dig reading about my life events.

And there there is the fame factor.

Like, if I wrote, “Today I had tuna on toast but decided to leave the crusts on because my horoscope said live on the edge” people would be like, “Wow. Lame.”

Buuut.. if say, Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue fame or Beyonce ate the same thing that day and blogged or tweeted about it or even threw it in an exclusive tell all book.. “This Is What I EAT!” people would be buying out the tuna and bread on the grocery aisle shelves.

I’m not sure why things go the way they do. I just know that they go.

When I sit down to really think about it… I have had quite an interesting ride so far. I have many stories that not only would be entertaining to people… but I really think people could get something out of them. Kind of like, “wow I need to remember to never do that. Ever.”

A couple of examples:

Never throw a cigarette butt in a trash can under a tree .. especially if the can is filled with paper.

When you’re seven, don’t put toothpaste on your eyelids. In fact, never do that at any age.

Listen to your grandmother when she tells you to never leave your drink unattended. You could almost wind up dead somewhere.

If you really have to pee, just go to the bathroom. Don’t stand in the classroom doing the wiggle jiggle dance while the teacher talks and ignores you. The end result is embarrassing.

These are just a few instances that are fond memories of my past. Ok, not 100% fond, but I lived through them and came out a stronger person for it.

Got any great stories? 😀

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