Go For It

key-3087900_960_720At what point do you throw caution and stability to the wind and go after your dream? Do you wait until you have enough money saved? Maybe you wait until most of your debt is paid down. Or maybe, you just keep hoping you’re going to win the lottery and you won’t have to wait for any of that because you’ll be independently wealthy. Hey, Publisher’s Clearing House does knock on people’s doors.

I have been going through a slump of the woe is me’s lately and I know why. I am fortunate in the sense that most times I get down, I can pinpoint why and work my way up from there. I have been working at my job for ten plus years and despite my tenure, some of my coworkers disrespect me often. Now, we have a new person, and I am apparently her assistant as well. It is typical for me to be the low person on the totem pole, but I really think I am just sick of it.

It is what it is until it isn’t what it isn’t.

Sick of driving one plus hour each way to work at a place where I was told that I could ‘be easily replaced.’ The other woman that was also told that line of ignorance grew a set and quit before the holidays. Yes, quit before she got her big Christmas bonus.

Last Friday, I was at work when a snowstorm from hell began its savage beating around noon. My boss was a sweetheart and sent me out in said storm to pick up the pizza he bought for everyone. Then I and the new girl sat here until finally at four pm, he decided we could leave ‘before it got worse.’

It took me SIX HOURS TO GET HOME. I had two breakdowns in the car and only almost got stuck once. Thankfully, I had that giant cyst removed from my ovary last year so I was able to wait six hours and not have to pee (there is a goddess after all!). It was like being in a real-life apocalypse with dark, swirling snow, wind gusts, people screaming, downed trees, cars abandoned in the middle of roads covered in snow drifts.

So, why am I beating your ear with all this crap? Because me telling you is a way for me to tell myself: I tolerate that which I choose to tolerate. I can move when I want. I am an administrative assistant. I can get a job probably anywhere. Will it come with the awesome bonuses and benefits this one does? Most likely not… But, my goal is not to be an administrative assistant forever.



I have one book out now, one book coming out March 27, 2018, and my first full-length novel due out this year. 🙂

I was raised to be fearful, which is sad, but so true. Fear will rob you of anything you love if you let it. I am sick of the fear and the negative what-if’s: What if I fail?

Well…. What if I succeed?

So, throw caution to the wind and go after your dreams! Do it. The universe will help you if you believe.

Blessed Be )O(

Images: Pixabay



I Tanked On The Blog Challenge!

Writing (Photo credit: jjpacres)

Yes I did.  Ha!!  I have so much going on that I could not put together a post for every day of the month to publish for my readers.  I am truly, deeply sorry.  I am writing music reviews for four websites and loving every moment!  I am not getting paid for my writing services and that is okay.  I am doing something I truly love while building my writing resume.

So stoked!

All the writing I have done over the course of my life (poetry, short stories, two novels, addiction blog and now music) has been amazing fun.  I love to write and have recently found that my passion is writing about music.  I have loved music since I can remember.  My grandmother used to tell me an interesting story about me.

When I was a baby, I wouldn’t stop crying one day.  She tried everything!  Finally, frustrated and overwhelmed, she wound up a music box and tossed it in my playpen.  I stopped crying immediately. To this day, I get sad when the music stops.

Will all my writing about music land me a well-paid gig for a big time music site or magazine?  I have no idea and no expectations.

Therein… lies the beauty.

I will commit myself to blogging a little more frequently on addiction in the coming weeks.

Have a blessed day.

Life and Life Stuff

A copy photograph of the portrait painted by O...
A copy photograph of the portrait painted by Oscar Halling in the late 1860’s of Edgar Allan Poe.

God willing, I will have a 7th Anniversary of being clean and sober on May 26th of this year.  I haven’t been blogging consistently, and I am truly sorry for that.  I have so much stuff going on in terms of kids, other writing obligations and “life stuff.”

But for now, I am going to focus on the writing aspect of my life.  Pull up a chair and a cup of your favorite beverage if you wish.

I started writing around the age of nine or ten I guess.  I remember writing my first book report about “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allen Poe in grade school.  I fell in love with the story, and Poe, and looked forward to writing more book reports (yes I was a geeky child)!  I started keeping a diary and wrote silly little stories about my friends inside.

As I grew and matured (using that term loosely), I stopped writing unless it was a letter in school to one of my BFF’s or a boy.

In my early twenties, I actually wrote my first novel.  It is unpublished to this date and only a lone printed, bound copy remains.  Most of that novel was written while drunk because I inherently felt I could only write when I was chemically altered.

Fast forward about four years and I decided to go to college at night as an English Major and wound up switching my major to Behavioral Health with a focus on addiction for the rest of my term.  Ironic.

So I wrote off and on, off and on for a number of years.  I kept many journals and diaries both hard copy and internet bound.  I wrote a lot of poetry.  Dark disturbing words (again always drunk and angry) I wrote steady over the course of a week.  I wrote about 130 poems in those seven days.  That is floating around somewhere as well.

I even had one published in a local newspaper!

Here it is:

Reality and fantasy, truth and lies.

When I’m awake I forget real, and fantasize.

When I speak my mind, I speak it well.

When I talk back, I listen even better.

When I hear other voices, I try to ignore.

Don’t tell me what to say, don’t tell me what to do.

I’m done listening to you; all you speak is tainted.

I’m stained with lies, marked by deceit.

My eyes are wicked, my grin is cold.

You look at me, but you can’t look long.

You’re so weak.  Ha!

Try to tell me you’re strong.

I laugh so loud inside, you can’t hear me.

But I can.

Reality and fantasy, I like to fantasize.

Reality is too much for me, I like my peace.

I like to be alone whenever I can.

So no one hears my whispers as I answer myself…

Again and again.

That is my first official published piece of anything.  I remember how excited I felt.  My mom got a bunch of the papers and framed a copy of the poem for me.  That copy sits on my dresser today and I look at it sometimes because I get caught up in life stuff and my dreams slip away.

So that’s it for me… for now.  Hope everyone is doing well.. maybe you’d like to tell me what is going on in your neck of the woods?  I’d sure like to hear about you!

ROW80 – Getting Down and Dirty

So, I have been going to A LOT of meetings.  I even started going to Al-Anon, because hey, I am from a long line of alcoholics, so it makes sense.  And, as I go to these meetings (six a week) and I meet new people and hear new stories, I am finding out many things about myself.

Honestly, I can’t change me or my circumstances without rigorous honesty and self-awareness.  If I keep living in an imaginary bubble and pretend my life is just the way I like it, my life is going to stay exactly the way I don’t like it.

That is lame.

I went to the library Saturday and took out two books: “Make Your Creative Dreams Real” and “Become a Personal Trainer For Dummies.”

I know I am a good writer, and I love to write.  My dream has always been to be a best-selling author touching people’s lives, all the while living in an amazing house up the mountains somewhere.  However, what I am realizing is this:

I really love people.  I love talking to people, I love making someone’s day and, most of all, I love helping people.  People fascinate me.  Their mannerisms, their behavior, the things they say and especially the way they project the way they think.

And for some reason, whenever I journal or reflect on what I REALLY want to do with my life, it always comes back to helping people.  Specifically, it always comes back to becoming a personal trainer or an addiction counselor.

So that is where I am at.

My goals:

  • Write synopsis and query letter for “Bound and Broken.”
  • Come up with some flash fiction stories (I had NO idea what to write for this past Friday – sorry everyone).
  • Continue with meetings.
  • Do a mind map of goals, tools and resources to get on the right path.

That’s it for me!  😀  Where is everyone with their progress?  Do you ever find new goals as you tackle current ones?

Have a great week…

Getting to Know You… and Me.

So my chicky pal GingerSnaap posted this awesome collaboration of questions on her blog and after cleaning up the coffee that squirted out of my nose due to insane laughter, I decided to give it a shot!  And you can too!  There is no need to tag anyone.  Just have some unpressured fun. 😀

1. Do you like animals,  or more specifically, do you like Dogs? Why or why not?

I love animals, and bugs, and spiders and snakes…. dogs are great, but I am a little leery of them having been bitten numerous times.

2. Toilet paper over or under?

It used to be over, until my cat figured out how to single-pawedly get the TP shredded and onto the floor.  Now it is under.  Take that CAT!

3. Favorite quote?

“Hate is baggage, life’s too short to be pissed off all the time.” ~ American History X

4. Favorite sport to watch?

Football & hockey… yes, violence is fun!

5. How do you separate your laundry before washing?

Um…. I don’t.

6. What would be the perfect date nite out for you?

A great dinner, a nice drive and awesome coffee.  No movie!

7. Is there anything you find unforgivable?

Yep. But not as much as I used to… goes with that whole “hate is baggage” thing.

8. Favorite vacation destination?

If it has trees, birds and log cabins… I’m there. Oh.  And a babbling brook.

9. Name one thing you would change in an instant about your life, if you could.

I would change my insatiable need to procrastinate!!!!!!  UGH!

10. What do people misunderstand about you the most?


11. Name up to 5 people you would meet right now, if you could.

Hmm… Edgar Allen Poe and…. Shinedown and…. Matthew McConaughey and…. Alexander the Great.

12. How/where did you meet your spouse/significant other/partner?

At an AA meeting of course!  😉

13. Have any Pet Peeves?

People who are late and any kind of lip, mouth, eating smacking noise… *shudders*

14. Quirks?

I still kiss stuff up to God!

15. Your biggest weakness?

Many…. I’m too damn nice!

16. Complete the following sentence: I would like to have a menage a trois with……

Matthew McConaughey and any other hot guy.  I’m not that picky.

17. Who or what is in the trunk of your car?

The cover for my car (which I never use) and some dead leaves. 

18. Have you ever had a recurring dream? What was it?

I don’t remember my dreams really.. so it is possible.

19. What is your best personal characteristic ?

I am a frootious loopius and I laugh at myself.  Openly.

20. What do you think about before falling asleep?

Hmm… what I want my life to be like and murder… Thanks Investigation Discovery!

21. Which is your dream car?

1970 Monte Carlo!!

Awesome awesomeness painted in awesome…. just awesome.