Saintly Sinner

 

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Image: pixabay – geralt

Saintly.

We use that term when we speak of good deed doers, animal rescuers and people who keep their cool in Wal-Mart. But what about the saintly sinner? You know, humans that want to beat the ever living shit out of that asshole in Wal-Mart or impale the driver doing 35 in a 55 (this happened to me on my way to work today). Then maybe played the scenario out in vivid detail, and thought, “Is this jerk really worth ten years in prison with a seven-foot cellmate named Tiny?”

Saintly sinners are people just like you and me. They are not good deed doers per say, but they aren’t rotten bastards either. Saintly sinners are average people who go about their day not necessarily keeping tabs of all the good and bad shit they have done, but know that being a decent human – or at least trying like hell – can be a full-time job all its own in this day and age.

Saintly sinners are anti-heroes.

You know, those ten-dimensional characters like John McClaine in Die Hard or Snake Plissken in Escape From New York. Sure they’re mouthy, dirty bad boys who ventured onto the left-hand path, but we love them despite their sinner ways; they’re our angels of redemption.

On the flip side of that, some people pretend to be saintly but are really demon spawn at a sickening level. The technical term for that person is the sociopathic narcissist, and though I have dealt with one version or the other in my life, the evilest combination of the two was my ex-mother-in-law. She would gorge herself on the pain of others. Some people call them emotional vampires, others call them toxic, but I just wound up calling her a crazy b***h. The woman wasn’t happy unless she was witnessing/talking about/causing someone’s pain.

I won’t go into it because she isn’t worth the weight of her memory, but she is included in my memoir. Sometimes we need to speak the devil’s name so we can put her in her proper place.

Saintly is the way

The sinners love to sleep

They gorge on your demons

With gentle little dreams

Their thoughts heavily fasten

To all that’s good and true

Then rip it from your soul

Like gorging sinners do

So wrap your dreams up tight

In a silky woven ball

Wash them in starlight

And let them gently fall

via Daily Prompt: Saintly

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/gorge/

*I had the wrong prompt. This post may be a lame attempt at recovery, but I had to give it a shot!

Brave: A State of Mind

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Image: Pixabay

To be brave. What does it take? I think most of us are brave every day. We just don’t bring it up. There is, after all, not much humility in bragging about a character asset. There is a hashtag going around –  #metoo – in order to spread awareness about sexual harassment.

Not many people want to talk about being a victim, but we kind of have to talk about it. Awareness is a biggie in helping others and it is oh so brave to share a painful shame-filled story. Of course, it hurts… it hurts when I share my pain, but I know deep in my soul it helps almost as much.

Bravery isn’t planned. It just happens. The bravest this to be is unapologetically yourself. Every f**king day. Just be you. It is a wonderful thing. Be brave and say NO. Be brave and say YES. Be brave and just effing be YOU.

‘And it harm none, do what ye will’

Everyone should live by that rede. The world would be amazing if we would. It is braver to do the right thing that it is to be part of the crowd.

You told me I was brave

As you looked the other way

I had no way out

But had so much to say

I was just a child

And you were quite a man

You held my whole world

In the palm of your beastly hand

Now I am much wiser

As I look around the world

I am no longer a victim

No longer that little girl

*This is not my best writing, but I am dealing with a migraine today… Have a beautiful day my friends. ❤

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/brave/

via Daily Prompt: Brave

 

Synchronize Yourself

Image: Pixabay

Synchronize your mind

You can do it

Get it in order

Like flying birds and planes

Or bugs on the waves

Make everything happen

At exactly the same time

In exactly the same way

Determination

Strength

Tenacity

You can do it

Write that book

Sing that song

Build that house

Take that trip

Quit that job

Follow your heart

Follow that dream

The world is yours. 

The Daily Post: Synchronize

Glaring Defects

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Glaring defects of character

Emblazoned in my soul

How can I forge ahead

All these lies that I have told

The deeds; unkind and dirty

They swirl around my mind

Can I ever be human again

Where’s the peace I need to find

A death warrant appendage

The darkness it’s so foreboding

My skin crawls with sickened rage

Character defects still glowing

One day at a time

That’s what they always say

One second at a time

That’s how I live today.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/glaring/

Symphony Inside

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Image: Pixabay

What do I hear, but the sound of love

Love that binds; love that blooms

Love that sounds like heaven

A symphony in my mind

That touches my soul

And consumes my heart

Flowers bloom as I walk by

Birds chant and smile at me

They sense it, too

Love, sweet love

A symphony in my spirit

That swallows my sadness

And bursts with joy

I know you feel it too

The wind on your skin

The scent in your nostrils

The taste on your lips

The bubbling in your soul

A symphony of love

All you have to do is exhale

And let go…

via Daily Prompt: Symphony

Traditional Drunk

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Image: Pixabay – Stevebidmead

Traditional drunk

Wretched and sorry; blank stare

Last one; I promise

Gosh, there were so many times I cried that it was my ‘last one.’ And I meant it every time I said it, for sure.

But the next day would come and after all the puking and the hangover and the shame, I would forget about the bad times and remember the good.

So there I went out the door, to the local bar to do it all over again. Only this time I swore it would be different. This time I would drink something else. After all, it wasn’t a drinking problem I had, it was a vodka problem I had. Oh, and maybe if I did some ‘other stuff’ while I drank, things would be better…

What?!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So, in my defense, I was completely insane. What sane person would continue behavior that led to bad outcomes? How could anyone think I was in my right mind after puking my guts up in the bar bathroom and walking out and back over to the bar for another drink?

Traditional drunk. I was anything but.

***

I am still busy with school work!  Midterms are next week. Philosophy class is going well and I am enjoying the discussions. My CIS (computer information systems) class is interesting. I know a lot about computers, but am learning more about Windows and Office 2016.

Hope everyone had an awesome weekend! I will see y’all around blog town. ❤

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/traditional/

Disastrous Damsel

 

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Image: Pixabay – ractapopulous

While the lowest point of my life was sitting in a recliner in someone’s basement doped up on pills, there were many previous disasters that dragged me to that point.

I had lost my job, then my house and then the final blow… I lost my children. Surely I could have taken immediate action and changed my ways ASAP.

But first I had to get high and oh yeah, get drunk too and let’s not forget going out to bars and to make bad decisions about people that put myself in serious danger.

What the hell was I thinking? That was just it… I was NOT thinking. I was too busy playing the victim and blaming my life on everyone and everything else.

When I first lost my job I could have probably done the following: FOUND A NEW EFFING JOB!

I could have done a lot of things… but that didn’t fit my ‘victim mentality’ and while I was playing the ‘damsel in distress’ I was really a disastrous damsel spitting hellfire and burning every bridge I crossed. That life seems a world away now. Thank goodness for second chances.

Disastrous Damsel

Disastrous damsel; wicked and free

Who is this angel you pretend to be

Blackness is your state of mind

Your screaming soul, so unkind

Is this really who you are

Or did your game go too far

Take your breath and suck it out

Breath back in without a doubt

Life really can be joyous and true

Have faith in love and have faith in you.

People really do change… they just need a really good reason to change. 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/disastrous/

Bury the Bumble Grit

 

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Image: Pixabay – Woody Pino

I haven’t been around… not sure who noticed. And no, it isn’t some silly game. I started school this week; two seven-week progressive courses which are essentially fifteen weeks smashed into seven.

 

I mean, I have a mid-term in two weeks. I am still writing as much as I can but I left the day job at 1 pm Wednesday to go get my textbooks and catch up on some studies.

I guess you could say I am as busy as a bumble bee.

In other news, my area, Bucks County, has some serious murder mystery stuff going on! Four young men went missing last week and there are connections to another young man who is the son of farm owners in the Solebury section of the county.

The ground was dug up with a backhoe where cadaver dogs sniffed out the scent of human remains buried over twelve feet beneath the surface. I cannot imagine the mentality of someone who would go through so much trouble to bury a body that far underground! I won’t go into detail, as you may have already heard the story. I feel sad for the families of these young men.

Finally, I am looking forward to this weekend. Getting caught up on my studies and focus on the end game which is an associate’s degree! I have the grit to pull it off for sure. I have been dragging my ass on finishing school since I started way back in 2001. I was gung ho for a couple years and managed to get 36 credits, but then I had that whole issue with the drugs and drinking and despite getting sober in 2006, still didn’t pursue my goal.

Well, things go the way they go for whatever reason and I am excited to finally be back in the game.

Do you have any goals (long or short-term) you are currently pursuing?

Have a great week! I will try to write something creative once I get caught up on my studies this weekend.

Blessed Be!

 

 

Pluck the Pansies

 

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Image: Pixabay

 

When I was little, I was a kid. And when I was a kid, I did things because I wanted to do them. I had no insurgent idea about right and wrong or good and bad.

I just was.

Others instilled inside of me the fears, doubts, hopes, dreams, love, hate, good and bad that leaked inside me and I carried this into society as I grew.

That’s how it goes.

One day, I was standing in my grandmother’s yard, awed by the beauty of flowers by the front step. Their bright petals with the dark colored faces stunned my thoughts as I stood motionless; the beauty captivated my little mind and I needed to be closer.

I bent down and smelled the brilliant blooms and just like that, I plucked the delicate flower from its bed.

I plucked it for my own selfish needs – for no other reason. I just wanted it.

I stole its little life.

I skipped away with my new trophy.

I would steal flower lives intermittently as my life swirled and changed. They were so pretty, so magical.

I wanted to be like the flowers I picked.

Then one day long after that day…

It didn’t matter how many flowers I picked.

They would always die. And so would my happiness.

 

Later, after many withered flower carcasses…

I let the flowers just be – as I just was – and I would visit them.

And their enchanting beauty would be there.

Just as I was.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/pluck/