ROW 80 – Six Years Sober

May 26, 2006 was my first sober day. It was two days before my eldest daughter’s sixteenth birthday.  Saturday I celebrated six years! It has been a roller coaster of emotions, trials, experiences, ups, downs and all-arounds.

I can’t say it was easy all the time.  The first three months were the “pink cloud” of getting clean and sober.  It’s the cloud of high hopes we talk about in the rooms, groups and such.  We all hop on the cloud and say things like “this is so great!  I’ll never pick up again!” and we all mean it. I meant it.

I remember in one group, the counselor asked everyone “if you could have your drug/drink of choice without any consequences, would you drink/use?” A few people answered and said, “yes!” “absolutely!” “hell yeah!”

When the question came to me, I answered “no.”  The counselor said, “but you have no consequences.” I said, “that is not a hypothetical I want to talk about, because it’s bullshit.  I will always have consequences if I pick up.”

I guess I thought, if I start talking in hypothetical mumbo jumbo so early in my recovery, I won’t make it.  And I had to make it.  If I didn’t make it, I would die.

These days, my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk or high.  I have learned so much about myself I continue to be amazed of what I am capable of!  I love to push the limits as I travel my journey never knowing what the next day holds.

And I do it One Day At A Time.

My ROW80 Goals/Progress are as follows!

  • continue to edit manuscript (I am making headway!)
  • AA meeting Tuesday night!
  • get back into Flash Fiction Friday (I just haven’t had any ideas!)
  • Triberr three times a week to share posts.
  • Read a book! (I have so many waiting – I haven’t decided yet)

That is my goal list for the week.  How is everyone else coming along?  Hope you are enjoying the holiday weekend!

A – Z Challenge ~ S is for Sober

image: recovery-gifts.net

Sober is a way of life for me.  I did some soul-searching (like I always do) and asked around.  Apparently I am breaking the Anonymity rule by mentioning AA on my blog.  So there will be no more of that. Apparently I read the text differently.  I can talk about “support groups” and “help” and “alcohol” and “alcoholics” but AA is a big no-no.  I certainly do not want to be “that girl.”

I will be sober six years this May.  I got to say, in the beginning, I didn’t know how I would function.  When I was out there, I hated myself and the thought of a day without drugs or alcohol was so foreign to me.

How would I deal with life?

How would I feel normal?

How would I fake the persona I came to be and make people like me all the while loathing who I really (thought I) was inside?

These were honest, legitimate questions I pondered the first three days of getting clean and sober.  Those three days were spent locked in my apartment (a room) with water, cigarettes and the Military Channel. I have yet to feel as sick as I did for those three days.

But I got through it.  I had two choices:

1) get sober.

2) die.

There is a whole slew of crap that goes along with this.  I have entertained writing a memoir. If my reaching out, writing and sharing helps one alcoholic or addict than it is all for the best.

To keep what I have, I have to give it away.

Thanks for letting me share.

A – Z Challenge ~ P is for Peaceful

Peaceful spot at Mallards Pike Lake Away from ...
Peaceful spot at Mallards Pike Lake Away from the picnic area, it's possible to find a tranquil spot by the lower lake. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Peaceful.  Tranquil.  Serene.  How great is it when we are truly at peace?  Last year, before my co-worker passed away, I walked in Tyler State Park every afternoon at lunch time.  Things got pretty hectic after she passed, and I was not able to continue my routine.

I think about her a lot, and hope that she is at peace.  She should be, she was an extremely peaceful person.

Peaceful is a way of life along with a state of mind.

I was looking around for peaceful places and found an article called The Ten Most Peaceful Places to Live on Earth. There are some beautiful photos in this article along with some exotic locations.  Canada is in there.  Not sure how exotic Canada is (no offense!) but it is definitely on my “places to go” bucket list.  I have read and heard that Canada is amazing.  I really want to see a moose.  Ok, that was random, but wildlife brings me a sense of inner peace I find it difficult to explain.

Where do you go to find peace?