Good afternoon. My name is Darlene and I am an alcoholic, addict, bonafide do anything that feels good until it almost kills me human being. I haven’t had a drink or a drug since 2006. Doing other feel-good stuff however (eating, over spending, etc) I have partaken in and it is time to quit that shit.
One of the things I had to do to get where I am today is “clear the wreckage of my past.” Now, this is a term used in treatment programs and it began in AA. And while it is mostly used in twelve step programs, I have to say that it can do wonders for anyone who feels stuck in the molasses of life.
I have cleared the wreckage of my past a few times… Taking a personal inventory is not a one time thing. It’s kind of like a tub drain. It gets clogged from the daily debris and muck of life and then it starts to slow down and before you know it, there is a clog. Clear the clog and the drain is flowing smooth and free.
Ain’t no arguing with the truth when you spin it in an honest way.Tweet
That’s how it is in life. All that crap we hold onto clogs our judgment, thinking, and decisions until we find ourselves in places we don’t belong with people we shouldn’t be with doing things we swore we’d never do.
In 2005, I tried to get clean and sober but refused to take responsibility for anything in my life. Finger pointing still kills me every time. These days I don’t drink over it, but I do feel shitty when I don’t look at my life honestly and decide to blame other people for my shit.
Even this morning, this lady in traffic pissed me off but then after my self-checking honesty I said, “Darlene, you’d be fine if you had left the house on time.” Ain’t no arguing with the truth when you spin it in an honest way. Did I want to be the one to blame? Hell no. But I was and after I admitted my wrongs, I felt way different after I got over my bruised ego.
When I take a look at the shit I have been through and any shit I am currently experiencing, I can absolutely see a correlation with past events if I am honest about it. There are a few gurus I have listened to and read that have helped me with his process.
Some people call me a pretentious, self-righteous bitch. And I am totally cool with that. We can only reach the people the way they are listening. I was that person a long time ago and once in a while I still am that person. A lot of times I want to write something and then I have to rethink it. “Am I speaking from my heart or my ego?” I do speak from my ego sometimes… we all do.
So, every day I try to figure out what is going on with me and live my best life. There is no substitute for rigorous self-honesty. There just isn’t. It is the one thing that will transport you to every next level of your life. So far it has done wonders for me. I am not saying that I am like Deepak Chopra or The Dali Lama and forgive everyone immediately or that I am all peace, sunshine and flowers all the time… hell no.
Peace and Love.