Buff Bufferson

ego man.jpg

“You can’t go in there,” I shouted this time. I could feel my face crinkle with displeasure as I stormed toward the arrogant, naked man by the edge of the pool. My face twisted for two reasons: the stench of chlorine and I had dealt with this imbecile all week.

He scoffed and remarked, “I can do whatever the hell I want. Don’t you know who I am?”

Sadly, I did know who he was. He was Buff Bufferson. Allegedly the most handsome man in all the land. Women would take one look at him and instantly fall in love; men would become insanely jealous.

It was all bullshit. I couldn’t believe the number of people who had seemingly gone completely mad over this arrogant dufus. Didn’t people think for themselves anymore?

“Mr. Bufferson,” I sighed, “the pool isn’t ready yet. It has just been cleaned and shocked. There is enough chlorine in there to-”

“Don’t tell me about chlorine! I know all about chlorine! Don’t you know who I am?” Buff snapped and stuck his nose in the air.  “How dare you insinuate that I am a moron. Why I think I’ll call your manager right now and have you fired.”

This was not the first time he threatened me with a good time. Usually, I fell into his little trap of control. But not today. I was too pissed off that I was about to miss my game show thanks to this jerk. Not to mention, I was sure my eyebrows were burning off just from the lingering odor of the swimming pool. My face felt lighter so I was sure they had singed off at this point like some weird sci-fi trickery.

“Fine, Mr. Bufferson. You wanna go in the pool? Be my freaking guest. But can you please wait until I get back to the office? That way I have no knowledge and we can both plead ignorance. You know, help each other stay out of trouble if management finds out.”

“Don’t tell me what to do! I don’t need you to tell me anything and I damn sure do not need management,” he stopped to laugh then continued, “management to dictate to me. Now excuse me while I go-” he was still talking as I had turned around and started walking away.

I turned back around to see him mysteriously missing from the pool deck. There was no water on the concrete as I crept toward the edge of the pool. My hands instinctively went to my mouth.

There was Buff, floating in the pool as his skin melted off in chunks and sank to the bottom in gooey globs of gray and pink.

“Aww, man. Now I am going to miss all my shows,” I said to Buff. I knew he couldn’t hear me. His ears were at the bottom of the pool, also in gray gooey globs.

I snickered at the sound… gooey globs.

Gooey globs of Buff Bufferson floated and sank in the pool like melted pieces of concrete if that were at all possible. I debated for a full two minutes on what to do. Once I realized there was nothing I really could do, I went back to my shows and made a mental not to chat with the pool guy.

I guess he did go overboard on the chlorine this time.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/buff/

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Author: D. A. M. Steelman

I could get through life just fine quoting heavy metal lyrics.

3 thoughts on “Buff Bufferson”

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