It is interesting to me how throughout my life I lived some terrible ordeals, dealt with awful people and situations and still, I manage to be open and wear my heart on my sleeve. I talked about this back in February, you can check that post out at the link. I do find my honesty and openness freeing. True, I sometimes lack openness, but those are the moments when I find myself feeling dark and that raging knot grows in my belly.
Now, when I say ‘open,’ I don’t mean telling a woman her dress makes her look fat or that the guy trying to chat me up is an asshole. I’m talking about openness with myself and others regarding myself.
To Thine Own Self Be True
I have never been true to myself. I was true to other people, places and things, but the self-loathing I felt each day inhibited me from being honest and open with one of the most important people in my life: me. It was a vicious game I played and lost each time. Still, I would go back in, guns blazing with sheer determination to ‘be who they wanted me to be’ no matter the outcome.
A couple of years into sobriety and doing my step work, I began to change. I spoke up for myself (sometimes) and said ‘no’ when I meant ‘no’ and ‘yes’ when I meant ‘yes.’ Man, did this ever make me feel empowered!
Each time I am faced with a big decision, I no longer handle it alone. Being honest with myself (above all else) and putting my trust and faith in God has done amazing things for my life.
Are you more open with yourself or other people?