I was working with one of my sponsors a few weeks ago, and she told me this phrase.  I almost fell out of my chair.  There are a few acronyms for “FEAR” such as: F*ck Everything And Run and Face Everything And Recover.  But… False Evidence Appearing Real is the one that works best for me. I have a lot of fear in everything I do.  Or should I say, everything I don’t do.  Fear holds me back in many decisions.  Is that why I am so damn indecisive?

Umm… definitely.

There have been times I felt the fear and did it anyway.  Like, the first time I rode a motorcycle, or a roller coaster, or stood up for myself in junior high school when I got in a fist fight.  There was definitely a lot of fear in those instances, but I did it anyway.  Ok, maybe getting in a fist fight is not the best example… The point is, I felt the fear and pushed through it.

A lot of us as children were afraid of the dark.  I remember when I was a little girl, I was afraid of my closet.  I swore to everything that there was a monster waiting to eat me.  The false evidence was the creeks from behind the closet door.  The fear appeared real because I believed it.  I would jump up and turn the light on, go look inside the closet and hey… no monster!  Imagine that.  The false evidence had appeared very real.

I am going through a major life change in the next six weeks.  I decided I need to leave my boyfriend.  We met in recovery a couple of months after I got sober.  He has done a lot for me and we have been through some great times.  But I see the big picture and it is pretty blank.  I won’t go into the sordid details (although it would make for some interesting reading).  Let’s just leave it in the “we grew apart” ditch.

Fear is absolutely a healthy emotion in certain situations.

So I have to be out by December 1st! How will I do it? Who the hell knows… I have faith in God, in my program and in myself that I will pull through this.

Have you ever pushed through the fear? How did you overcome? Share your thoughts and stories below! 

Author: D. A. M. Steelman

I could get through life just fine quoting heavy metal lyrics.

16 thoughts on “F.E.A.R.”

  1. Darlene

    First of all, good for you for not being one of those people who just stays and stays because it is safe, but being one of those who sees that big picture and decides to move along, move along.

    In my experience, once I finally commit to doing the terrifying thing, I ALWAYS find some kind of relief. In relationships break-ups, that is usually paired with sadness, too, but after a while JOY returns. And I am always shocked by that. Because usually I didn’t even realize that I had been missing it.


    I am wishing you much joy.

    It will come, eventually. 😉


  2. You mention you believe in God. In the Bible there is a verse that states: Perfect love casts out fear. I understand that to mean love and fear cannot reside in the same situation. The more you come to realize how much you’re loved by God and how He wants only good for you, the less will fear have any power to control you.
    Hold onto His hand and see what good things He has in store for you.


  3. A workshop instructor once said, “just past the fear lies the freedom,” and I use that one every day for myself! Best to you, Darlene, as you push through the tough stuff.


  4. Love that description of fear – so true. Best of luck on the next steps of life’s journey – but I think you’ve enough in yourself to make things change without ‘just’ luck doing it.


  5. Stonking great hugs attached to hugs to get you to the other. End have had to acknowledge redundancies (nice word for it!) in past relationships – including friendships – to deal with life in general. Like you said before – KISS! If something ain’t working, and you’ve give it a good go, get rid! We need to surround ourselves, as much as possible, with healthy relationships. Otherwise, our soul seems to gets polluted, bleeds out and then it all goes wrong. 2013 is a brand new year beckoning you onto bigger and better things – a brighter and more enriching future. You’ve sure earned it Darlene. X


  6. Always enjoy catching up with your posts, Darlene. I’d forgotten what the FEAR acronym stood for, but always remember it’s opposite: Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

    I had to face fear and anxiety in my first year as a health-care professional and needed counseling to do so. That led me to one of the places that shares some of the common language we speak, leaving me much MUCH stronger and better to face life and deal with its punches every day.

    Hugs and prayers coming your way as you deal with the changes you’re choosing to make. As much as this thought makes me crazy, I still hold on to it tightly: If I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in God’s plan, then I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. (I just don’t have to like it. ;))

    Hang tough, Darlene! You’ll get there!


    1. Hi Joanna… I like that courage quote you wrote. That’s very cool. Thanks so much for your support… my life is changing and it is crazy! And I love what you said about God’s plan… my friend Heather says that a lot.. it is an excellent thing to keep in the forefront of the mind.. have a wonderful day!


  7. I hope you are well – keep thinking of writing, it is enough to keep you going. good for you for being strong and doing what is right for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers – keep working to make your days count.


  8. Darlene, i’ve been following your blog for a while but haven’t commented. Firstly – how did you get on, we are all on tenterhooks here! 😉
    You are very brave to come to this decision. I’ve been sober 121/2 years and worked for a long time in the treatment sector for a long time and I’ve seen relationships trip up people in recovery more than anything else. And you are right it’s all because of fear; fear of not being loved, fear of not being good enough etc. Be brave, live your truth and you will be happy, joyous and free.


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