The last twenty days have been a complete roller coaster of physical. mental and emotional whack-ed-ness. Tax season is over (yay!) and I can finally get back into focusing on my goals. Between family, writing like crazy and dealing with work, I was contemplating checking myself into a nice little padded room for a few days.
Luckily, I made it through the last two weeks (three and a half months) unscathed.
My goals remained unaltered for the most part, but I totally bombed on Script Frenzy. Yeah, I won’t be entering into any more so long as I work at an accounting firm. Something about trying to write three and a half pages of script a day and dealing with tax deadlines resembles milk and orange juice. They just don’t jive.
Trust me when I say, giving up on something is never something I do with shrugged shoulders. It pains me to admit that I cannot continue Script Frenzy, but I must be realistic.
The A – Z Challenge will be over in eight days. This one I will finish. It has been a lot of fun finding random words associated with positive mental health to blurb about. It has been even more fun visiting other blogs.
I have been getting in more exercise. I stopped walking in the park after my co-worker passed away last year (they needed me at the office) and I quit smoking in November. You know what that means!
Yep. I put on A LOT of weight. Not cool. They day after tax season, I decided I was going to walk in the park for at least twenty-five minutes a day (M-F). I have done it so far. As well as made it a point to go bicycling at a local park for an hour an afternoon.
Modified goals to go forth with:
1. continue to read/comment blogs 2. pull out WIP and begin edits 3. continue Flash Fiction Friday 4. thirty – forty minutes of cardio a day 5. review budget (I need to save for a car) 6. re-organize menus for the day – get rid of sugar loaded foods! (yogurt pretzels are not good for me!)
That is it for me my fine friends…
How are your goals coming along?
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday! 😀
Sober is a way of life for me. I did some soul-searching (like I always do) and asked around. Apparently I am breaking the Anonymity rule by mentioning AA on my blog. So there will be no more of that. Apparently I read the text differently. I can talk about “support groups” and “help” and “alcohol” and “alcoholics” but AA is a big no-no. I certainly do not want to be “that girl.”
I will be sober six years this May. I got to say, in the beginning, I didn’t know how I would function. When I was out there, I hated myself and the thought of a day without drugs or alcohol was so foreign to me.
How would I deal with life?
How would I feel normal?
How would I fake the persona I came to be and make people like me all the while loathing who I really (thought I) was inside?
These were honest, legitimate questions I pondered the first three days of getting clean and sober. Those three days were spent locked in my apartment (a room) with water, cigarettes and the Military Channel. I have yet to feel as sick as I did for those three days.
But I got through it. I had two choices:
1) get sober.
There is a whole slew of crap that goes along with this. I have entertained writing a memoir. If my reaching out, writing and sharing helps one alcoholic or addict than it is all for the best.
How do we reinvent ourselves? We have to change things up. Reinventing means taking something old and making it different. We reinvent ourselves when we take a long hard look at what is going on in our life and figure out what is or is not working.
Maybe you have a bad attitude at work or maybe you wear the same damn type of clothes every single day or you read the same types of books all the time. CHANGE IT UP!
When we reinvent ourselves we are giving our self permission to step outside the box – that box of fuzzy blanket comfort – and recharge our batteries.
Maybe you had your eye on a new journal to write in that will bring forth ideas for that book you have been wanting to write or maybe there is a class that you have been wanting to take because you just know it will do you tons of ooey goodness.
I’ll tell you what. All the nerve I possess I can thank my Gram for. She never let me be a sissy and stay in the same humdrum routine when I was a little girl. She taught me that if I want anything to change I have to change it. I have to reinvent it. I reinvent myself each day when I try something new or put a positive spin on a negative situation.
You can do it too!
The Day’s Ponder: When was the last time you reinvented yourself? Write down three ways you can reinvent yourself.
Q words, Q words.. I had an awful time thinking of a Q word. I made a list (did not check it twice – maybe I should have) and did some free writing. And then I said:
“Ooh, Quarantine. How about that one? I like that one.”
We quarantine more than sick people. We tend to quarantine our emotions, right?
Especially when we feel our feelings are invalid. We quarantine them until they change into something much more acceptable. We quarantine our jealousy, our anger, our mistrust for starters. I am guilty of this almost every day. I just feel like such a bitch or a whiny little brat when I am talking about any negative feelings I may have. Sometimes I even quarantine my happy feelings because people might deem them inappropriate.
Have you ever quarantined your emotions?
Were you ever quarantined for being sick?
The picture shown is Quarantine Island, New Zealand. Back in the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s, passengers that arrived in Otago with infectious diseases were sent to this island until they either got better or died. I can imagine it would be difficult to get well on an island infested with sick people. One building still stands, and restoration is in progress.
I have now added another destination to my bucket list.
Peaceful. Tranquil. Serene. How great is it when we are truly at peace? Last year, before my co-worker passed away, I walked in Tyler State Park every afternoon at lunch time. Things got pretty hectic after she passed, and I was not able to continue my routine.
I think about her a lot, and hope that she is at peace. She should be, she was an extremely peaceful person.
Peaceful is a way of life along with a state of mind.
I was looking around for peaceful places and found an article called The Ten Most Peaceful Places to Live on Earth. There are some beautiful photos in this article along with some exotic locations. Canada is in there. Not sure how exotic Canada is (no offense!) but it is definitely on my “places to go” bucket list. I have read and heard that Canada is amazing. I really want to see a moose. Ok, that was random, but wildlife brings me a sense of inner peace I find it difficult to explain.
Over thinking. UGH. I do it a lot. It destroys my sense of confidence after I made a choice. Did I choose correctly? Was there another option? Maybe I should have zigged instead of zagged.
Over thinking situations, blog posts, hell, even food shopping will destroy you without your knowledge until one day you are sitting in your living room surrounded by cases of bottled water and checker boards because you just can’t figure it out.
Tonight I went out on my new bicycle to trail ride at Neshaminy State Park in Bucks County, PA. They have great trails packed with dirt, rock, stones, tree roots, mud and lots of hills. I was riding along at about five miles an hour and I saw the incline ahead. I nodded. No biggie. As I got closer to the incline I freaked out because it was, like a serious freaking incline with a giant tree root smack in the middle. I began to over think. I thought, no way. I can’t do it. What if I fall? I’ll feel like an ass. What if I break my ankle? I’ll feel like an even bigger ass.
So wussified me hopped off the bike and walked it up the incline and down the decline and hopped back on.
I so totally felt so totally small.
As I rode on (trying to catch up to my boyfriend) I told myself the next go around I am freaking taking that hill! No thinking. Just do it. We looped around I knew that hill was coming. And I took it. I rode through the fear and didn’t think. I just did it. After I took that hill, my confidence shot up a few notches and I started taking other paths that were a little more terrainish.
Are you an over thinker? Does over thinking help or hinder you?
Newcomer – In the Twelve Step Programs of the world it stands for that person who walks through the door of a support meeting for the first time (or in the first months of their sobriety) and really has no idea what to expect. I was a newcomer once. We’ve all been a newcomer in one way or another in one situation or another.
The newcomer is so important. Of course, they don’t realize this. Their naivety and fear helps us that have been in the program a while just as much as the program will help them.
Some slogans to remember as newcomer:
It works if you work it.
Keep it simple.
Keep coming back.
One day at a time.
Easy does it.
I will celebrate six years of sobriety on May 26th of this year. I got to tell you… I was scared that first year. I was scared of a sober life. How would I have fun? What would I drink when I went out to restaurant?
And the biggest question of all: How would I deal with life?
Fortunately, I met good, sober people and realized (for me) that my newcomer status was a good thing and that even though I was getting help, I was helping others.
I am no longer a newcomer, but the newcomer now helps me just by letting me help them.
Question of the day: Can you recall an experience as a newcomer in any aspect of your life? How did you react?