Sober is a way of life for me. I did some soul-searching (like I always do) and asked around. Apparently I am breaking the Anonymity rule by mentioning AA on my blog. So there will be no more of that. Apparently I read the text differently. I can talk about “support groups” and “help” and “alcohol” and “alcoholics” but AA is a big no-no. I certainly do not want to be “that girl.”
I will be sober six years this May. I got to say, in the beginning, I didn’t know how I would function. When I was out there, I hated myself and the thought of a day without drugs or alcohol was so foreign to me.
How would I deal with life?
How would I feel normal?
How would I fake the persona I came to be and make people like me all the while loathing who I really (thought I) was inside?
These were honest, legitimate questions I pondered the first three days of getting clean and sober. Those three days were spent locked in my apartment (a room) with water, cigarettes and the Military Channel. I have yet to feel as sick as I did for those three days.
But I got through it. I had two choices:
1) get sober.
There is a whole slew of crap that goes along with this. I have entertained writing a memoir. If my reaching out, writing and sharing helps one alcoholic or addict than it is all for the best.
To keep what I have, I have to give it away.
Thanks for letting me share.
- Getting Clean and Sober (alcoholic.org)