Resolutions and Dead Squirrels

Yep.  That time when we reflect on the previous 364 days and say things  like, “Man.. I should have kept up with the gym.” OR “Wow, if only I’d have saved that two dollars a day like I wanted to!” Or, my favorite: “What the hell have I done all year?”

Well, I went to the gym about 1/16 as much as I wanted to.  I didn’t save ANY money this year.  I didn’t start the “Stop Roadkill Squirrels” foundation like I wanted to.  The amount of squirrel carcasses in the middle of roads sickens me.  How could you people? There were a few problems with starting my foundation, the first one being I am the only person who really gives a crap about dead squirrels (and other furry road kill) except my children.

It's You Or Me, Squirrel!

Yes, I instilled the “it doesn’t matter if your head goes into the dashboard – save the damn squirrel!” mantra into my beautiful children.  It is so bad that when I am driving down the road and I see a lifeless lump up ahead, I say things like, “That better not be a squirrel!”  Sometimes it isn’t a dead squirrel (or cat, or raccoon, or possum) to which I shout “yay!” Other times, it is and I say things like, “Good job, a-hole.  What did that poor squirrel do to you?” and yes, I am actually in my car, alone, when I say these things. Or with my children who stare out the windshield with lifeless eyes, pretending they don’t hear me.  But I know they do.

Yes, people have asked me if I have had a psychiatric evaluation. Yes, I have had one.  The doctors laughed nervously and told me I was “a-okay Ms. Steelman!”

So THIS year I am doing it different.  I am making a list of things I want to do over the course of my life.  Kind of like a Pushing 39 Bucket List.  The catch is I have to do two a year.  If I do more than that well then I will just give myself a Scratch N Sniff Sticker, a cup of coffee and hug a squirrel.

So the 2012 Kick in the Ass To Do List so far is…

  • Ski. (going on January 1st – hee hee)
  • Get published.
  • Go to the freaky deaky womba bomba GYM. (I have a hard time with this one due to the slacker gene passed down through my family for centuries – thanks Mom & Dad!)

That’s pretty much it for now.  Now.. I am hoping the skiing goes well. I like trees, but not much into moshing with them.

Got any exciting plans for 2012?  😀

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Happy Holidays!

Hello all my fine feathered, furred, frazzled friends.  This is a short post.  We all got a lot going on (Christmas Morning is in less than 24 hours!).

I want to wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Festivus and whatever other holiday you celebrate that I may have overlooked.  Peace and Love to All.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

If You Don’t Like It.. Then Don’t.

On my lunch at work today, I was reading blogs and came across this article:

Atheists Threaten Legal Action Over Nativity Scene

I read the article.  Basically, some atheists in Michigan are annoyed that they have to put up with all the Christian mumbo jumbo and simply want to put a sign next to the Nativity Scene saying:

“There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.

There is only our natural world.

Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

True story.

I am not an atheist, but if you are I am totally cool with that.

So this got me thinking.  Why the hell are so many people offended with beliefs?  Why the hell are so many people offended by a nativity scene then they are say, the cover of Philadelphia Magazine doting a picture of a woman with a post-it note bikini?  That offended me.  But I chose not to buy the magazine and just bitch to my boyfriend who surprisingly didn’t get where I was coming from.  “Where is this magazine cover, Darlene?”

I don’t care about what anyone believes. Seriously.  I don’t care if you believe in God, Sharma, Satan, Jesus or the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

Since when did religion become more taboo than sex?

Let’s look at it

In our public schools:

     There is no more “one nation under God.”

     But there are lots of prepubescent girls dressing like the next town whore.

In our media:

     I hear words like “faith” “religion” “beliefs” but I can’t remember the last time I heard “God” or “Jesus.”

     I see more nakedness, hear more sex-talk and have to look at more cleavage in advertising then I could want to look at in a go-go bar.

At sporting events: and in schools:

    We pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

    Waaaitt….. there is something missing. Wasn’t.. God in there?  Somewhere?

    In the meantime, I get to look at cheerleaders at football games, ballgirls at baseball games, dancers at basketball games and the chicks at the hockey games that come out during the intermission.  Has anyone else noticed that more than 10% of the female population these days watches and attends sporting events?  I am one of those women, and yet, despite my offense, I watch the games anyway.

Because… it doesn’t freaking matter.  I get over it.  Like we should.  Just get over the fact that the world is not custom tailored to our specific needs.  There are going to be things that offend us or make us a little uncomfortable.  There will be situations where we have to use common freaking sense and make a choice.

If you don’t like it then …

Don’t look at it.

Don’t buy it.

Don’t drink it.

Don’t read it.

Don’t eat it.

Don’t wear it.

Don’t listen to it.

Don’t praise it.

Six Sentence Sunday

I have never done a Six Sentence Sunday before.. but here I am to join in the fun!  The following six sentences are from the first draft of my WIP.  I wrote this WIP in November for NaNoWriMo and will be pulling it out of the drawer on December 30th for its first edit.

WARNING: Crude Language.

Celeste stayed stone faced.  She was in way over her head this time.  She used to get fronted five or six bags of cocaine every other night, then turn a few tricks and pay it back.  Everything was okie dokie.

In the last six months she was snorting more coke than she could suck dick to cover.   

“Mama, I need a little more time,” she said and flashed her tired smile.

Please check it out and let me know what you think.  I may get into this SSS thing.

Happy Sunday!

Thank You to the Things I Need to Thank

The end of the year calls for some serious reflection.  Guide to Career Education has valuable articles and forecasts for anyone wanting
to return to college to finish a degree or anyone seeking a career change in the new year. Mostly we reflect on all the things we said we’d do during the year that were swept under carpets of screaming kids, deadlines, broken alternators and cat poop (please don’t make me explain).

I follow a wonderful blog called Mary and Bob’s Journal. A while back I read a post simply called, GRATITUDE.

In that post there is gratitude for socks… socks!  I thought about it.  I love socks.  I mean, without socks, I would not get a lick of sleep.  Honest.  So I am grateful for socks as well. And coffee.

I bow to the coffee bean.

Coffee!!

Well, this is not exactly how I take my coffee.  But if not for this little brown bean, I would be a slobbering mess spouting obscenities each morning. So I am grateful for coffee.

I am grateful for music.  More importantly, I am grateful for my grandmother who always let me have music on no matter what time of day or night.  I am grateful for a mother who always had music on when she cleaned (which was a lot!).

Then we have the birds, the bees, the snakes, the flowers, the mountains, the streams.. all the worldly creations made by my Higher Power that I stand in awe of each day.  Like the red-tail hawk perched on the tree outside my apartment this morning.  I am always grateful for nature.

There are so many things to be grateful for, thankful for, appreciative for. Things like:

  • fresh notebooks and sharpened pencils
  • a pleasant teenage daughter (truly a blessing!)
  • cold water
  • an open treadmill at the gym
  • light traffic
  • a found dollar
  • finding the last sweetener packet
  • a slow day at the office so I can get caught up on blogging (writing and reading)
  • when my car runs good (please get me home my sweet automobile!)

These are just a few of the things that make me say, “Hey now.. that is super cool.”  Maybe you have some of the same things to be thankful for.. maybe you are scratching your head as you read my list and say, “uh, this chic is cookoo!”

Please.. feel free to share some of the things you might take for granted each day, but when you really think about it… you are oh so grateful to have them.

😀

Life: A Memoir of Embarrassing Moments

So….. I have been told by many people that my life has been interesting.  Well, mostly my children have told me this.  And I also noticed, that for every story someone has I have a counter story that is much, much better.

I bought a book six or so months ago about “How To Write Your Life Story” or some crap like that.  I read through most of it (I get through most of anything).  In the book they said “everyone’s life can be turned into a memoir.” I don’t think I necessarily agree with that.  There are certain people I wouldn’t really dig reading about, just as I am sure there are many people who wouldn’t dig reading about my life events.

And there there is the fame factor.

Like, if I wrote, “Today I had tuna on toast but decided to leave the crusts on because my horoscope said live on the edge” people would be like, “Wow. Lame.”

Buuut.. if say, Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue fame or Beyonce ate the same thing that day and blogged or tweeted about it or even threw it in an exclusive tell all book.. “This Is What I EAT!” people would be buying out the tuna and bread on the grocery aisle shelves.

I’m not sure why things go the way they do.  I just know that they go.

When I sit down to really think about it… I have had quite an interesting ride so far.  I have many stories that not only would be entertaining to people… but I really think people could get something out of them.  Kind of like, “wow I need to remember to never do that.  Ever.”

A couple of examples:

  • Never throw a cigarette butt in a trash can under a tree .. especially if the can is filled with paper.
  • When you’re seven, don’t put toothpaste on your eyelids. In fact, never do that at any age.
  • Listen to your grandmother when she tells you to never leave your drink unattended.  You could almost wind up dead somewhere.
  • If you really have to pee, just go to the bathroom.  Don’t stand in the classroom doing the wiggle jiggle dance while the teacher talks and ignores you.  The end result is embarrassing.

These are just a few instances that are fond memories of my past.  Ok, not 100% fond, but I lived through them and came out a stronger person for it.

Got any great stories? 😀