Are You Ready For a Zombie Party?

Yep yep… we’ve heard it a hundred times.  We’ve seen a hundred movies.  Movies about the end of the world, 2012, zombies.   It never ends!  And we fall for this constantly.  Maybe it is because as human beings, we need the stimulation.  Like a world full of drama queens, except this is a little more serious than a broken nail and a backstabbing girlfriend.

By bionicidiot
The Zombies Are Coming!

Some say that in this apocalypse that the good will be spared and that the bad and unrepentant will be cast into hell.  Some say that it will be a zombie party and the living doomed to death or eternal living death.

Well, I am prepared!  I have the Zombie Survival Guide Page A Day Calendar!  I thought that having this calendar would be a great asset to surviving  a zombie apocalypse or any other type of disaster.  It has all types of goodies and tips like getting up the steps and getting rid of said steps, how to obliterate a zombie (essential!), what kinds of weapons to use.  Damn if I didn’t throw away the first four months of pages!

If you need any help in preparing for Zombies, or any other disaster, I heartily suggest watching Zombieland with Woody Harrelson.  If you have seen it, watch it again. Not only is it amusing, it is full of tips!    The classic “double tap”  of course.  In any movie before Zombieland, we’ve seen the protagonist shoot or stab the antagonist and walk away assuming said bad guy was dead.  This left the audience yelling at the screen, frustrated that the protagonist did not make sure the bad guy was dead.

The double tap put this faux pas to rest.   I’ll leave the rest to the movie, but the double tap is paramount!

Also… very important to make sure all bases are covered.  If you are going to stay inside, for Pete’s sake make sure you have all the essentials!  This is where having a case of Twinkies is great!  They keep for years (hopefully you won’t need the Twninksters to keep that long) and they taste great!  The bad news is that you won’t be able to wash them down with an ice-cold glass of milk.  Also, if you have canned food (and I am sure you will) make sure you have a manual can opener.  An electric can opener is as useless as… well, anything utterly useless.

It is in disastrous times we tend to realize how useless technology really is.  In times of catastrophe and the world overtaken by zombies, craft and skill of the survival kind are necessary.

So dig deep into your guttural souls, dearies.  It is survival of the fittest.

Stay safe my friends!!

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Over Thinking – The Destruction of Creativity

A roulette wheel.
Image via Wikipedia

You walk into a pool hall, a bowling alley or a casino for the first time.  All brand new and shiny, you are awed.  You take your first break of the rack, throw the bowling ball down the lane for the first time, or you bet it all on black.

WINNER! WINNER! WINNER!

Wow, this is easy!  You think.. but then you actually do start to think.  And then before you know it, you are scratching on the pool table or sinking the 8 ball prematurely.  Your bowling ball keeps gravitating to the gutter and you’re pretty sure you should leave the casino before you sign your kids over to the roulette wheel dealer.

Every time we over think something, we destroy the creativity and naturalness of what is to be.

Let’s take writing our plot for our story or blog.  We break it down into small pieces in an outline.  We have topics, sub topics, and then we have all the goodies to stuff inside.  I don’t know about you… but when it comes to writing fiction, I have to leave the outline right in front of my face.  I am still working on how to get it so that it is a transparent film over top of my computer screen.  Like back in the day with those projector screens in school.  As if!

Over thinking has been the creation of my demise.  Kind of an oxymoron, but I think you get the gist.   I get a simple idea, and then before I know it, I am adding too much sugar, taking out a lot of salt, and voila!  I have some nasty concoction that was once awesome.

Of course we have to have characters, a plot, a sub lot, and all the other cream that gets stuffed inside.  Easy… one thing at a time.  Outlines help me out because I have a tendency to travel on one road and then I see a little offshoot, and before I know it, I am writing ten pages about the sub plot (which is starting to interfere with the main plot) and.. wait, what was I writing about?  How did this purple Smurf get in here?  Damn my over thinking!

Sometimes we need something along the lines of a purple Smurf.  Maybe your purple Smurf has a dog named Vlad that shoots flames out of his paws.  Who knows.  It is good to have a scratch pad or something to the side (I do this.. it gets the distractions out of my head) to doodle your cockamamie ideas.

You never know…. getting it out of your over active imagination might lead you to something big!  For today, there is only do, or do not.  There is no over thinking.

If I Could Create My Own Half Hour Show

If I could create my own half hour show; no holds barred.  It would probably be a cross between the earlier years of the tv show Roseanne (which I can identify with) and Night Rider.  I would play the lead role.  I’d be an insecure teenager living in a blue-collar home with a domineering mother and a father who drinks too much.  I’d go to school and be miserable in plain sight.

But at the end of the day, when all are fast asleep:

I’d sneak out my bedroom window with my cloaking device and silent shoes.  I would hover down to the driveway which is to the far left of my bedroom window and summon my bad ass 1970 Monte Carlo with a bored out 350 engine and 4 barrel carburetor.  I would get messages from my dog Snippet, who runs the operation from his doghouse in the back yard.    Snippet’s doghouse greatly resembles Snoopy‘s doghouse from Peanuts: small and average on the outside but kicking it bigtime on the inside. Snippet would update me on people to assist and avenge.  I would do the job for free because it gets me out of the house.  Snippet can leave his house when ever he wants, so he begs me to ask those who require our assistance for doggie treats.  Snippet does not like Beggin’ Strips

In my Emerald Green Monte Carlo I chirp second gear and rush to the aid of a young boy whose cat happens to be in a tree three blocks west.  Snippet, now in the front seat, asks me why we have to save the damn cat.  “It’s just a cat,” he howls.

“There, there Snippet.  Cats never hurt you,”  I whisper.  Snippet and I get into a philosophical conversation about cats and dogs as he tells me how the movie by the same name did no justice to dogs.  I concur to appease ol’ Snippet.

Just as I turn the corner, I spot the tree.  I put the car in neutral and roll quietly into a perfect parking spot near the maple tree which looks out of place in front of the yellow sided house on a small city street.  I get out of the car.  My cloaking device and silent shoes now activated, I sneak up the tree and grab the howling cat by the neck.   I look over to the house that belongs to the tree and see a boy in my class staring out the window.  He saw me.  I hover over to his window. 

“You’re dreaming.  Go back to sleep,” I say hoping that it works.  I do not yet have the ability of mind control.  I hand the cat to the boy as he puts his arms out. 

“Thanks,” he stutters.

“No problem,” as I turn I remember, “Do you have any doggie treats, boy?” 

The kid disappears for a moment and comes back with some Whiskas cat treats.  “Will this do?”

Snippet won’t know the difference.  I tip my hat, and bid the boy ado.

I go back to my idling Monte Carlo, Snippet is glaring at me and won’t acknowledge me for the next three days.  That’s okay.  Extra treats for Snippet for behaving. 

I pull up a half block from my house, my mother is awake on the couch watching some night-time soap opera.  I tell my Monte Carlo to park until next time.  Without a rumble, the car takes off.

My father is passed out in his chair.  I order Snippet back to his abode.  He goes graciously.  I use my cloaking device and silent shoes to sneak in through the back door and up to my bedroom.

I did my good deed for this episode.

That is my first idea born from boredom for ridiculous half hour comedy/drama show.  Gotta love sitting staring at a blank screen!