Solitary Soul


Image: Pixabay

For as much as I would love to be a solitary soul, living in the woods among the critters, trees, and occasional wasp eating snake, I know that at this point in my life, it is not feasible. I am part of society (though, these days, the term society is subjective) and I kind of need you guys.

I have always been to myself and at times have gone out of my way to avoid society. I am an introvert and I store up on people energy about once or twice a month. I’ll go to a market, or a concert, or maybe even a park with a lot of people. I’ll fill up on all the energy until I am exhausted and go home to take a nap.

Then I am good for about a month. I am not a recluse… I am an introvert. That picture up there is my idea of heaven on earth. The woods, a log cabin and no one around for miles. I could do it.

As long as I had books, coffee, music, a camera, and an internet connection, I could do it. Because then I could be alone, without really being alone. Despite my aversion to small talk, I do need you guys.

We all need each other.

Happy Friday, y’all. I submitted my project for my one class… didn’t get as good a grade as I hoped, but I am confident I will get a ‘B’ in the class because of all my others grades. Philosophy class is wrapping up as well. I have A’s across the board in Phil 101, so the pressure is on to write two A papers before Monday morning.

I hope you’ll have an awesome weekend!

via Daily Prompt: Solitary




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Image: Pixabay


Grainy is the mind

That lets go of the soul

And grainy is the heart

That lets the hell unfold

We’re all saints and sinners

The mirror cracked and jagged

The truth we try to cover

So painful, cold and ragged

There is no winner ever

This is loud and clear

We’re all saints and sinners

Wrapped in hate and fear

Pick up your dignity

From off that dusty ledge

We’re all saints and sinners

Grasping at the edge.

©2017 DAMSteelman

via Daily Prompt: Grainy


via Daily Prompt: Willy-nilly

A Willy-nilly

How absolutely silly

It sure is chilly

So… I have to say, for as silly as I am, I am not feeling this prompt today. Maybe because the last few days have been so somber as far as what is going on in the country and also with my family and of course with myself, (it’s always all about me!).

My online schooling is getting more involved and that makes sense because it is a seven-week progressive course. I had mid terms two weeks ago and finals are next week and I am doing fairly well, but I never like to take things for granted.

In other news, I am still sober despite going to a Koffin Kats show at The Balcony in the Trocadero in the China Town section of Philadelphia this past Sunday. The balcony is the upstairs part of the Troc and of course, there is a bar! I don’t mind the element when I don’t have to sit at the bar. I think one of the most fascinating things about being sober is when I do wind up near people drinking alcohol, watching the way they change – it is astounding.

The Koffin Kats have been around for over twenty years and still play intimate venues and I have to say… WOW! What an amazing show. I have been to many concerts and shows in my life and the Koffin Kats one is definitely in my top five. It was more like an experience! The energy in the room was off the charts as people danced and sang and the lead singer of the group was hopping all over the place. He was the bass player, but not a bass guitar – an actual stand up bass (I call it a Tom & Jerry bass).

Is you is or is you ain’t my baby?

The bass player was lifting it up over his head, spinning it around and jumping on the side of it… it was one of the most entertaining live music shows I have been to in my lifetime.

I grew up in Philly, so when I go down there these days, it still feels like home to me… for a little while. I don’t get down there too much anymore, and that is probably a good thing. Philly was my home for all kinds of things and while it’s good to go home once in a while, it’s also just as good to leave.

How far do you live from where you grew up?

A Prickle a Day

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Image: Pixabay

A prickle for me

Keeps the dull senses at bay

What more could I need

There is no reason

To ignore all the beauty

Stop; take a moment

All we have: one life

Now, let’s make the best of it

And forgive for good

That prickle of hate

It will only kill your soul

The rage helps nothing

Beauty all around

Don’t see it; you must feel it

That prickle a day

Delivery Girl


Image: Vector Graphics

I got sober in 2006 and was court mandated to go to outpatient treatment despite my self-propelled thrust into the world of clean and sober living. At the time I had no job, was living in someone’s basement and has just had my kids taken from me. My choices were either get clean or put a bullet in my head.


I learned a while ago that suicide is not an option for me. I had three failed attempts previously so I took that as a sign that I am needed on this planet for something.

I still haven’t figured out what.

So, while going to this outpatient group, the topic one night was an odd one and I wound up arguing with the group leader about it. “If you could get high without consequences, would you?’ and I delivered a stern “NO.”

“But there are no consequences,” he said.

“Um, yeah there are.”

“But I am telling you there aren’t any in this scenario.”

“There is no scenario without consequences. I can’t think like that. I can’t pretend there won’t be addiction peril if I get high.”

Anyway, he let it go, but I think a few other people caught on to what I was saying. While there are some things we can pretend and day dream about, using drugs and drinking recreationally is not one of them for an alcoholic addict. There will always be consequences. Trying to imagine a life without them is deadly.

So, next door to this treatment center was a Pep Boys warehouse and there was a sign in the window:


Hell yeah!

I walked in, spoke with the manager for a few minutes,  and was hired on the spot. 🙂

The highlight of that entire experience was that they wanted me to take a drug test. It may seem odd that I would be excited over something like that, but I hadn’t passed a drug test for three years prior to then for any job I went for except for a potential position at the IRS. Despite passing that drug test, I had used immediately following it and overslept for my first day of orientation for that keen IRS position that could have changed my life when I still lived in Philly.

So I got my job as an auto parts delivery person and my excitement was palpable. I got to drive for a living and even though I was only making two dollars over minimum wage at the time, it was liberating to work again and earn my own money.

That job led me to where I work now as an administrative assistant at an accounting firm. I have been here for ten years, and still get to deliver packages (paperwork) to clients. Still, I am eyeballing bigger ventures. I have been here eight years too long and it is time for me to take a leap of faith.

Glaring Defects

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Glaring defects of character

Emblazoned in my soul

How can I forge ahead

All these lies that I have told

The deeds; unkind and dirty

They swirl around my mind

Can I ever be human again

Where’s the peace I need to find

A death warrant appendage

The darkness it’s so foreboding

My skin crawls with sickened rage

Character defects still glowing

One day at a time

That’s what they always say

One second at a time

That’s how I live today.